h·o·t·n·e·r·d·s

2004-09-06T17:31:00.000+08:00

*pea

i'm glad that we both took one big step each. you're right. you have everything you want now. and i have mine too. jason wanted us to sort things out or whatever. but you're right. there really isn't a point. we both don't need more than we need now. so let's leave it. it's better this way.

but i just want to clarify that i didn't spread anything. i didn't tell many people about this, except xiaoyi, mingtse and xinyi, who are people i trust completely. and my sister. yep. people in 4/12 asked, but all i said was that we've drifted apart. i prefer it to stay that way.

and yep, you're right. there's more to that. but it is not worth bringing up anymore. since things have came to this stage. i prefer to just leave it and end it this way. you will probably prefer it that way too. maybe i really don't understand you at all. that's why things got so bad. to me, you don't care much about friendships. i didn't think i would hurt you. maybe you are right. if i couldn't stand you, i should have told you straight in the face like how xiaoyi handle her problems. but i didn't have the courage. i blogged my feelings in eternalfootprints not because i wanted people to see. i don't want you to think that way. i just needed to pen how i feel. i didn't expect you or paulin to read it. yes maybe i was gullible to think that way since it is a public blog. maybe there was a part of me who actually wanted you 2 to read it. and i'm sorry for that part of me. i just don't want you to go away with the thinking that i wanted to spread it and make people think bad of you. but it's really up to you to believe me or not.

so, enjoy yourself in whatever you're doing. i won't be blogging here anymore. i'm not as noble as you. i find it very difficult to stay in hotnerds. i do treasure the times we had. but i don't want and can't stay on. because i can't face you normally ever again. maybe you guys are very disappointed and angry with me. all i can say is that i'm sorry things turned out this way. i know all 3 of us left this incident getting hurt, not only me. i just want to let you know that i am aware of that, in case you think i'm self-pitying. i know i'm not the only miserable one here.

yushan said she left learning to be careful about people. maybe i left learning not to trust too easily anymore. just like how you learn to choose your friends carefully.

*jozee!

2004-09-06T14:41:00.000+08:00

Never knew how you thought

getting sentimental here?

it was hard reading the letter u left in the blog. did not know what to feel. Yeah, i don;t treasure frenships and i dun get affected by frenships like u do.

never knew how u thought.

I dun mind u misunderstanding me because u , dun understand me. at all. so, if u accuse me of not treasuring frenships, i dun really mind. u have not knownme at all. so, please do not come to any conclusion and spreading them.

i m actually behind manymany masks. For hotnerds, there will alwaes be the hotnerd mask, for others there will alwaes be the other masks. But, as daniel said, "Most importantly, enjoy urself". his thinking mayb weird since he doesn't care so much, but yes, if i feel happie in wadever i m doing, carry on doing it. If i feel happie being behind masks, i shall be behind masks.

The only time i m away from masks is at nite when i pray to god or when i reflecr. yes i do reflect for ur info.

IT was indeed hurtful to see those things like i have no sense n things like u'd rather not bitch a bt me and make urself the baddie instead. please. i read it on fridae i believe. and luckily no one was near me cos ... u would lik this result. was very disappointed in wad u did. u discussed this sooo openly and made it seem like u have alwaes been the goodie and have alwaes let me hav my wae and then now, u blew up cos u couldnt take wad i m doing. congrats for taking this BIG step out. but sorrie, i decided to take the step out first. u made it seem like u decided everything rite?cos u couldn;t stand me. but, not only u took this step out.i took the step out before u did. however, i din;t step out of hotnerds like wad u did because i treaure hotnerds. But i think u do too but u jus cannot stand me. if i m bad, sae it to my face.since u think i have no feelings or wadsoever, it wun matter. not only have u hurt me, if that;s ur aim, u have made me decide on smth else.

I dunno in wad wae i have betrayed u. u r very childish and naive to think i have betrayed u when i said i disapproved of wad paulin did and then got close to her in the next few daes. Its stupid. i prefer to believe that theres more to this betrayal thing than this. m i rite?

u need oneweek to cool down. i need ten weeks. oh no. i dun need any minute to cool down. i hav no feelings. so i can jus throw this awae and enjoy myself in wadever i m doing. i have everything i want now. and i dun need anything else. i think u think this wae too. it s beter this wae i tink. jason is wrong. i dun need to solve this. and yesh jason, my attitude sucks. i agree, i will try to choose my frens carefully next time and not regret it.

2004-09-03T17:33:00.000+08:00

why? *paulin!

am i dense or what. i dint notice anything wrong with us. what's wrong?

stae together.

jozEE!

2004-09-03T17:04:00.000+08:00

heys~
long time no blog liaox. yep.mani things have changed. i find it hard to trust anyone. i haven't found the best fren yet. pathetic.

i dun wanna compete. u noe. why compete on such meagre things. yea. these things matter now.but do they matter more than frenship?may be they do. i m going to try my best and forget u. i dun wanna remb anyone competing with me. i just wanna be myself and do what i can. if u can do better than me and feel better showing off..off u go. i dun mind. i dun wanna care abt such things. if i cant do as well as u, i will at least do the best of my ability. i dunno u. why do i feel like i dunno u when i have known u for some time? i m doing nothing to save this. i dun wanna do anything. no one's wrong. its just the feeling'. i dun wanna help it. i dun wanna do anything. i can just return to myself.

i cant understand. why compete? theres nth to compete abt. wad abt working together? but i dun wanna work together wif u.

sadistic.

2004-08-30T22:41:00.000+08:00

messy *pea

it's ironic. when i really want you guys to blog, you guys don't. wanted to ask you guys whether you had read the letters i wrote. but didn't know how to, didn't dare to, didn't see the need to. haha. i believe you guys will one day read them anyway. actually, they were written last week. after writing it, many things changed. many people changed. mindsets changed. not even sure whether they are valid anymore. but i didn't delete them cos they represented me and my thoughts last week. haha.

haven't blog for about one month. since august 3rd i think. didn't really want to i guess. almost typed "so many things happened", but then stopped myself, cos' i realise that nothing much happened. it's more of a gradual process. transcient. always lingering around. i'm in a way contented now. happy with my life. full of dread and anticipation for exams. but at least i'm contented. not worried, not angry, not frustrated, not jealous. just tranquility and serenity. because i came to a decision and saw things more clearly. yushan enlightened me. haha. that statement must be shocking. but ironically, it is in a way true.

i have matured. *claps claps* haha at least i think so. i'm on a journey of self-discovery and realization. and it's most exciting! heex.

paulin! advice for u frm JOZEE!

2004-08-24T17:49:00.000+08:00

Hahshs!

JOzee is feeling so bad todae. nvm. paulin. heed my advice. love like u have been hurt before. and if he is realli the one, he will never mind. but let me warn u. dun think too far off. ok?lol..

2004-08-24T14:38:00.000+08:00

[hsPpg*dingdongpig] is alive

years ago, you felt that life is full of meaningless nothings. but you pretent it means everything. all you saw is black and white. but you decided to colour it yourself. you hated your life. the pathetic life. so you closed yourself up and created your own. you couldn't escape from the beatings. you saw them quarrelling over money. you saw them chasing you awae. you saw them mocking at you. you saw the hypocritical world. you saw yourself crying everydae. you saw yourself becoming more cynical and skeptical. you saw yourself cursing the world. you saw yourself biting your tongue. and finallie, you saw them leaving you. then you start changing. friends changed you. GOD changed you. love changed you. but. you still dont dare to tell anyone about them. you're afraid that they will leave you. you're afraid that they will look at you strangely. but still. you pray that someone can understand you. you knoe there are people whose life may be worse. you wonder if you might meet them. you pray that you would. you pray that someone can get you out of this shadow. and you can do the same.

did you ever want to throw eveeeerything awae? start fresh.. it is impossible. you are stuck with what you are. forever. you are held by the deeds you regret. forever. you cant get rid of what you hate yourself for. you are what you are. why would you wanna change yourself. one dae, you will find the one.

found. i'm alive.

joZEE!

2004-08-23T18:30:00.000+08:00

Sorta miss him. i cant deny that i have never had any feelings for him. I stil have feelingsfor him now. but the feelings i m having for him now have reduced. they are not as intenseas those i had for him in the past. tried crying for him again. but i failed. i cried forhim so easily last time. but now, the sadness is gone. i dunno if i got a sense of assuranceor not or its another thing. i m sorta sure now that he will not forget me n i get a senseof assurance that even if he has another girlfriend, it will not be in the near future.he keeps refusing to give me false hopes. he keeps telling me to study hard. yeah~ whatis the reason? does he love me too much to affect my studies? i dun dare to tell myself thati dunnoe if he realli loves me or is he just toying with my body. But i dunno why. when i m out with him, i feel secured. i feel that he is totally there with me. his mind does notwander off. is this his tactic of dealing with girls? frankly speaking, i dun understand himthat well. or may be, not well at all. he has his life, his frens, his family, his school.i have mine too. we live so far apart from each other. and in sustaining relationships,distance do play a part. if not, a great part.
life stil has to go on. i have loved him and i m feeling great that i have done so. its not bad to have loved anyone before. a heartbreak is a learning point. i willtreasure the next guy and know how to tackle them better next time. as my tuition teacher has said. no point having relationships now. if the guy belongs to u, no matter where heis, what he is doing, u two will meet each other and fall into the love river. so if he realli is the guy, its alright if he goes out wif other gers or wadever. becos he still belongs to me. yeah? he will return if he is the one. if he isn't, he will not return.
yesh i will be sad. but, life's a dance.every diff song, u change a new dance partner.no point regretting or doing smth to change the relationship u had with ur old dance partnerdun regret.dun return.dun do anything to help it.just carry on dancing. treat each dance partner nice but u r still bearing the scars of ur past relationshipwith ur old partner. This isn't fair to both parties but u still dance till u meetthe right partner.This one will not mind if u were not treating him fairly.instead, he will help u find back ur old self and make u love him like u have neverbeen hurt. yesh, he will. then u will feel all the regret and hurt u have experiencedis worthwhile, now that u have found the right one. he or she may also make u feel thatu have never been hurt before. And dun forget, u may get the same dance partner back again after a few songs. and this time, treasure him or her like a new dance partner. if u two arefor each other, u will find out in no time. so carry on dancing in life. dun look back.look forward. move on.
::life's a beautiful dancing story::
Jozee loves to act on impulse. hahahs! yeah!and i dun regret any of it. just say what u feel!

2004-08-23T17:29:00.000+08:00

giggling awae~ [hsPpg*dingdongpig]

it was the greatest date i've ever had. nononooooo~ not pathetic. okie. i was pathetic. but no longer. heehee! the thing is, he makes me feel like paulin. just paulin. the real paulin. i'm not and shall not write about this in hotnerds bloggie. secret! hahahass! all in all, one sentence, i'm loving like i've never been hurt before.

2004-08-21T21:00:00.000+08:00

bored to death by historie. thoughts [hsPpg*dingdongpig]

i think i suck a beeg time. i have no words to make people feel better when they need consolation and encouragement, something that can assure them of themselves. i've beed such a lousie friend. sorrie people, especially siaoyee, but i do have arms to give you a hug. i have ears to listen to whatever you want to talk about. i have a heart that wants to see you smile again.

i knoe it's almost impossible to find true love at this stage of life; but there's no reason why i should guard my heart like some kind of castle. i pray, that the one i'm currently with will be my true love.

but have we misused the word 'love'? could it be 'like' or merely 'adore'?

2004-08-20T17:32:00.000+08:00

*paulin!

friends knoe eveeeeeerything! =)

i dont knoe if i've done the right thing
i dont knoe if i've gotten over it
i dont knoe if it's too fast
but i dont care what they think
at least i knoe i'm serious in this

welcome back! *jozee

2004-08-19T18:17:00.000+08:00

Sae "welcome back jozEE!"~

Hahas..jozee's finalli back. so many things have happened. Woo hoo! heave a sigh of relieve first la.Anw..paulin..wad siao yee told u..i dun realli understand it la..n wad two of them thingy..i dunno wad u toking abt.lol.

nowadays..dunnoe why la..realise i was so silly to like make such a huge fuss over him. hhahas..and yeah..i noe..i realise it now that his not worth it! and i dun wanna give him my first kiss..crazy! so i told him "we shall see abt it"! hahhas..no way.i 'll find daniel li to kiss first.lol. now..i dun feel that lost and lonely anymore. i dun need him actually. hahhasX! Yep~

Am i strong? hahs..he's a loser. realli. ask jason.

Paulin. i dunnoe if u r feeling abit lost or moody now becos u r unsure of the choice u have made. I personally feel that its too fast. again. its not the right time now. cos i m sure u haven't forgotten the pig in ur heart. right? i m pretty sure of that. And i dunnoe if its right to use another person to forget the one in ur heart. sorri if i m accusing u of anth.

I dunnoe. u haven't talked to me. u r welcome to do so if u want to. u haven't told me ur feelings. u r just having ur mood swings again and i m just guessing the reason to ur mood swings. yeah? dun feel guilty of using him since u have chosen to be with him. try to enjoy. and the engraved ring, yeah, do not get it now. at least after a year when u both have stabilised. otherwise, it will become an object of misery next time. i dun want u to have those rings. not until u both realli know the u will last. at least for a few years.

And..yep. do concentrate on ur studies. very seldom hear got sec four ger two week before prelim get boyfren de..hahhs..so muz watch out urself hor. jozee is here for u. so will pea. but..hafta take care of urself when u r out. i m not saeing that jason is not a good guy but yeah..beware! hahas.i noe he wants to kill me. he can join our hk trip. if u both last. hahhas. yeah.

2004-08-19T16:22:00.000+08:00

sulking *paulin!

why do i have to live in darkness

i dont knoe if it's right

2004-08-17T17:34:00.000+08:00

beaming *paulin!

it's not supposed to be told. hahahass =P

after being single for three months i feel like a newbie in relationship. lol. it feels like the first love. scarie. pea and jo-zee said i loser though. ha. but gosh. it takes much courage to try something that might eventually hurt yourself.

17 aug 2004
15:40
~~romance~~ nightmare starts thus

2004-08-16T16:25:00.001+08:00

2004-08-16T16:25:00.000+08:00

words from siaoyee *paulin!

i understand that you are having hell of a time with the two of them, especially now that the others seem to notice it. don't be sad when the rest ask about it, they are just trying to help. it goes to show that they cares about you. and as for the two, you will have to make a decision. you cannot go on ignoring it. ignorance WON'T solve the problem. really. you must GO TALK TO THEM. i know it will feel awkward but you HAVE TO. cos if you don't do anything about it they will just go live their own lives HAPPILY EVER AFTER and you can continue feeling miserable and end of story. so do something asps okay? good.

i dont think the paragraph above is for me but i think it fits in somewhere. hahahass. so i took it. yeah.

and you. please don't be so hard on yourself. when you can't handle things, tell me. i might not be able to be always there for you but i will try my best. and if im not there, talk to jozzie okay? im sure she will understand if you tell her and you will definitely feel better when you say it all out. and about that guy, i don't think he is good news. and i certainly don't believe in his version of THAT night, you know what i mean. im sure you've heard about things of him and his ex. im not forbidding you from seeing him or something. you have ur own freedom of choice but pls keep your guard up. that means don't drink, at least not with him around okay? and i won't hear of you smoking either. okay.

this is definitely for me. hahahass. jason. look what kinda impression you've given her. hahahass.

2004-08-14T20:13:00.000+08:00

cynical *paulin!

applied for a line. finallie. free incoming call. so exciting. but nobody calls. how exciting.

i reallie love choco balls.
yandao at taka mos burger. yummie.

mwummie said no to vjc. she claimed that i'm following friends' choice. HARLOW? so i guess i'm stuck at hcjc and nybs. this reallie sux.

checked horoscope. it saes, 'you've been the bad girl or bad boy long enough, and it's finally time to mend your waes' and i jumped out of bed. went pom pom. and now, i'm here. how motivating.

stress. but no motivation.

wanna watch fireworks. but double date with jozee and daniel? i dont see why jozee suddenly becomes so supportive. but it's understandable if she's moved.
i asked myself, is it a need or a want.
jozee said 'why not. since you need him'
but why dont we just be the best buddy. i have more confident in that.
and i do need a buddy.
ask yourself, is it a need or a want.

take onlie what you need

(alrighte. i wish he can go. he. but no courage to ask. what if he saes 'err. i'm watching with her' 'err. why should i' 'err. dont feel like' 'err.. ' 'err..' and more err!)

2004-08-10T16:28:00.000+08:00

whatever *paulin!

hey. i'm dense. shout right into my face if i piss you off. dont act like there's nothing wrong and vent your temper like a spoilt brat. worse if it has got nothing to do with me. what's up with the people.

2004-08-10T12:09:00.000+08:00

stae strong! *paulin!

i'm through with it
over it
not havng it
crazie shit
cant deal with it
no more
i quit

deep down i knoe it's the best for us

2004-08-09T22:48:00.000+08:00

more coughings *paulin!

i HATE cat! it scares the hell out of me.

almost cried when i looked at my mwummie. she is reallie getting older. all the crow's feet around her eyes. gootxness. i reallie dont dare to think any further.

was laughing so hard watching singapore idol. hotnerds! let's go down to singapore idol and entertain the judges too. hahahass.

onlie managed to finish physics and chem. god bless me.

Sad

2004-08-08T19:31:00.000+08:00

JOZEE~

Jozee is sad. REal sad. I told pea he din't delete the thing on his frenster abt me. but i checked it just now. it isn't there anymore. He posted his new no. on frenster. idunno wad to sae.is he abnormal? lol. pea will sae he is.

I dreamt about him last nite again. this time it isn't a pleasant or sweet one.its not only him. its me, him, my dad, jilyn, yushan and paulin. dunno why pea not inside.but i think she prefers not to be in it. hhhas.

(first scene) my family and i went to this small restaurant.saw him cooking in the kitchen. we caught each other's eyes but we din't talk. when i left with my family, i cooked up an excuse to return to the restaurant again. but my father insisted on going with me. we took the mrt, i dunno why, back to the restaurant but we din't seem to be able to reach. i desperately wanted to see him again.

(second scene) Yushan was on the mrt with me. she pulled a sheet of apple stickers and a key chain shaped like an "8" from her brown billabong bag. she said he told her to pass those things to me. i dunno why the apple stickers but the key chain saes smth like "treasure ur life.,..wait for the special one..etc.." cant rmb. i dun understand. does it mean anything.

(third scene) Jilyn was on the mrt with me. She pulled out a samsung phone from her bag- the black flowery one. She passed me the phone. She said he told her to show me the phone. Why? i dunno. i just flipped it open and then i closed it and returned it to her. Her phone rang and it was him calling her. She told him cheerfully that she will meet him the next dae to pass the phone back to him. I asked her if he wants to speak to me but she didn't seem to listen.

I forgot what happened to paulin.

This dream lasted till like..9am on sundae morning. I woke up with a headache and i went to gulp a glass of ice cold water down. returned to sleep until 10am.

I feel so sad. I dunno what the dream means. Just rmb some of my feelings during the dream. i was devastated. he talked to so many of my frens, met them, passed them soooo many things. but he doesn want to talk to me, to meet me. Why?

HE is as cold as ever stil. I m toking to him online but he nv reply. i dunno abt carol. i dunno how to ask. he ask me jus shoot. but i dunno how to sae. i dun wan to show that i care cos he will laugh at me.

2004-08-07T19:53:00.000+08:00

god bless me *paulin!

i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired
i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired
i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired i'm tired YAWN!

` the notebook SUX a beeg time! it's a blardie waste of money! pooey! dont watch!
` dance was fine. dint finish. formation sux. they were tired and i got tired too after while. and damn irritated.
sorrie if i happened to yell at any one of you. hahahass.
` went kap with jo-zee! so fun. heehee! we had iced milo, french fries and apple pie! for a small card that saes free french fries with every purchase of xXxxxtra value meal! must go with jo-zee next time! heehee! saw this 2/1 quite prettie girl with another guy. she was reading something on his supposedly school foolscap. we got so kpo. jo-zee actuallie walked up wanted to take a look but all she saw was 'mai tian' you knoe. our dear principal that mai and the padi field that tian. so my turn to go up. saw something like mai tian nian fu. year that nian and happiness that fu. hahahass. what rubbish school!
` went venezia with yinghong after dance practice. saw a real cute little boy! oh man! -paulin goes ow-ow!- she had tiramisu and belgium chocolate. i had waffle with darkchocolate ice-cream! yummieeeee!

HOMEWORK!
` chinese compre
` english film review
` physics read up logic gates + RI and RV prelim papers
` chem nygh prelim papers '01, 02 ,03
` emaths past years papers
` matrices
` ss papers

i'm stress. going back to malaysia. shall not watch tv or go online AT ALL. spank me if i do.

food i wanna eat!
` popiah!
` fillet-o-fish!
` chips! ruffles cheddar cheese!
` fruit juice!
` mwummie's frech toast!
` mwummie's fries!
` mwummie's fish!
` mwummi'es porridge!
` mwummie's egg!
` mwummie's instant noodle with losta veggie and egg!
` zhu chang fen!
` mee hoon kueh!
` chocolate!
` cheesecake!
` dunkin doughtnuts! double choco!
` waffle with peanut butter!
` xue ge!
` fried kueh tieh!
` malay fried noodle!
` popcorn!
` potato!
` season's chicken baked rice!
` pizza hut's mushroom soup!
` pizza hut's lasagna!
` secret recipe's err whatever that is. hahahass!
` claypot noodles!
` tapioca crackers!
` kfc's cheese fries!
` cha ye dan!
heehee! you knoe it goes on and on! i'll just gobble down any food mwummie buy! no need to use my allowance some more! how nice! heehee! yummieeeee! i'm alreadie salivating!

2004-08-05T18:21:00.000+08:00

for paulin! *from jOzziE

PauLin! Thanks for ur lovey dovey blog! hahhaS..Joz-eEEE loves it! lol. Smiles=)

Was really worried for u la, paulin. Me and Pea talked about it during recess one dae when u weren't there. Sorta worried. A bit fast rite? Haven't forgotten one..on to another one. Hope u know what u are doing and know what is the most important now. We dun wan u to get hurt again. U get hurt easily because u realli "love some one like u have never been hurt before". U trust somebody else v easily. And we see something coming up! u noe, in the past, u said u didn't like junchen, u dun wan him to be ur bf, u all dun realli click. But then, guess wad? u all got together earlier and quicker than we thought=) Learn from ur past mistakes kae? i was thinking, at this stage of life, no love will last forever. All those bf things we are experiencing now (i mean u..not me and pea) are just part of growing up. Seldom will any of these guys b e one. ITs not that i wanna criticise u or wadever..u realli think very very far. and its not healthy la..u will be more heartbroken when..u noe.. Since we know that those love we r experiencing now will not last, dun treat it sooooo seriously. In fact, you have to love someone like u have been hurt before. In this wae, u r selfish. But WAIT! its to protect urself, to prevent urself from trusting a guy too easily. When u reach a stage when u all r stable and u realli feel that there is future for u both (this will not happen soon la..muz at least 1 yr lor), den u let go n love him like u have nv been hurt before. To be hurt before is an experience for u to learn from! Understand? =)

The great thing about true love is that it happens only once in a life time but there is definitely someone for everyone. During your journey to find the one for u, u will meet many others. These ppl come and go and they leave footprints in ur life. U cry over them, u wait for them, but they will not come back because they are not ur true loves. They belong to others. U blame urself for doing something or not doing something but if u all r meant to be, u will be. Fate. Those who spend more time finding their true love will meet many other unsuitable guys but "the most radiant woman is the one full of life experience". Do not be so sad when u have lost someone. If he is the one, he will return. If he isn't, just let go. U have just gained another experience. And when u find the one, u will appreciate him more than anything.

Love urself and not do anything foolish because to love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance! Paulin n jozeeee ego maniacs love themselves too much! hahhas!

Paulin! be clear headed. Mwummie JozEeE doesn't want u hurt again. Do not drink. Do not smoke. If u do want to drink, we'll do it together. Do not trust anyone so much. I dun wan u to regret next time. Protect urself by being selfish. It's okae. Know what u r doing and what u r stepping into.

I love you, PauliN! Fwens will be around long after boyfrens and girlfrens. The hotnErDs! will be here wif u..and this love for u, will be forever. (though i said no love lasts forever)...hahas..i m not cynical..just..REALIStic

And jASon..do take good care of paulin! i noe she's going out wif u. Take good care of her=)
I m the new paulin Mwummie and i stay in SIngapore! not in MAlaysia. I dun pay for her. I educate her! hahhas..lololol..paulin's my daughter!

2004-08-05T16:32:00.000+08:00

i'm in love *paulin!

i love jozeeee
i love smsing jozeeee during lesson
i love holding jozeeee's hand
i love kissing jozeeee's cheek
i love the jozeeee who gets so worried about me
i love the jozeeee who starts laughing at the sentences she made during chinese lesson
i love the jozeeee who got so scared to stand on the weighing machine
i love the jozeeee who walks and talks like a taitai
i love the jozeeee who censors her phone now and then
i love the jozeeee who looks so pretty with her bimbo hairband
i love the jozeeee who will write me love letters during lesson
i love the jozeeee who will writes me postcards sealed with kisses every now and then
i love the jozeeee who ~~will advise me even when i dont need it~~ is naggie and concerned
i love the jozeeee who loves short skirts
i love the jozeeee who loves vege drinks
i love the jozeeee who will pop out crazie ideas out of nowhere (and of course, we will just do it. heehee!)
i love the jozeeee who runs like some girls at the beach
i love the jozeeee who shares cheddar cheese ruffles with me
i love the jozeeee who laughs at with me
i love the jozeeee who will never stop talking during lesson
..
..
..
..
..
..
i love the jozeeee who loves me!
i reallie love jozeeee =D

beeg news beeg news! paulin is stuck at 163 cm and she has gained 2 kg!!!!!

~~promise me.~~ tell me you'll never forget me. tell me i've changed you somehow. let me knoe that i had an impact on your life. tell me you'll alwaes remember me. losing you was hard enough. i dont wanna knoe that i meant absolutely nothing to you.

2004-08-04T16:29:00.000+08:00

mockingbird *paulin!

i wish to be someone special to someone
sometimes i would give anything just to be something more than nothing

there's no longer pain to think that he loves someone else
just some bitterness
he deserves the best and i'm afraid he will find it

i love you doesn't alwaes last, but with every gootxbye you learn
and i learnt
i'll find out if there is a guy who can love me for who i am, not who he wants me to be

fill in the emptiness
commit yourself in whatever you do

2004-08-03T21:31:00.000+08:00

dancing *pea

what song do we use for PE? i haven't download hole in the head, but my computer is disgustingly slow. the hard disk memory is depleting fast. and that guy installed so much memory!! stupid computer.

i just came back from tuition. very few people came today. but we've decided to go for high tea buffet at goodwood park hotel next tuesday!! yumyum. mr chua is so nice. heex. can choose from western, local international and chinese dimsum somemore. haha.

miserable me. tomorrow got chemistry timed trial!!! and biology on saturday! oh no. and i'm starting to get the jitters as oral is nearing. scared scared. i tried to speak english to my siblings haha. my brother insisted on speaking chinese cos' his chinese oral is nearing. JC still got cl oral. haha. so pitiful. so eventually, i spoke in english to him and he replied in chinese. :)

so she said i'm a snowball running,

running in the spring that's coming all this love,

melting under blue skies,

belting out sunlight,

shimmering love.

2004-08-03T16:32:00.000+08:00

i dedicated song to people *hotnerds! yushan! jason! bernard! siaoyee! 4/12!* i loooooooooooooooooooooove at perfect ten *say it with music!* this coming fridae from err 8pm to 12am! i think! heehee! tune in!

-sealed with kisses!- *paulin!

2004-08-03T15:13:00.000+08:00

thoughts during historie lesson *paulin!

dont let me do it again. i feel so shameful of myself. it was a mistake i should never have made. i said i'll trust no more. and i'm not going to. there is no reason why i can use it as an excuse for whatever i did. 'cause that was still me. i feel so shameful of myself. ashamed. not embarrassed.

so i told the truth. but the truth could be a lie. 'cause i dont want you to get any closer. nobody could cross this line. i said i'll trust no more. and i'm not going to.

2004-08-02T16:29:00.000+08:00

never gonna leave your side *paulin!

I feel like a song without the words
A man without a soul
A bird without its wings
A heart without a home
I feel like a knight without a sword
The sky without the sun
'Cos you are the one

I feel like a ship beneath the waves
A child who's lost its way
A door without a key
A face without a name
I feel like a breath without the air
And everyday's the same since you've gone away

I gotta have a reason to wake up in the morning
You used to be the one that put a smile on my face
There are no words that could describe how I miss you
And I miss you everyday
I'm never gonna leave your side
I'm never gonna leave your side Again
Still holding on, girl, I won't let you go
Cos when I'm lying in your arms, I know I'm home

They tell me that a man can lose his mind
Living in the pain
Recalling times gone by
And crying in the rain
You know I've wasted half the time
And I'm on my knees again
'Til you come to me I gotta have a reason to wake up in the morning
You used to be the one that put a smile on my face
There are no words that could describe how I miss you
And I miss you everyday

I'm never gonna leave your side
I'm never gonna leave your side Again

Still holding on, girl, I won't let you go
I'll lay my head against my heart
And know I'm home

I'm never gonna leave your side
I'm never gonna leave your side Again
Still holding on, girl, I won't let you go
Cos when I'm lying in your arms I know I'm home...

2004-08-01T21:05:00.000+08:00

drunk *paulin!

i need somebody who can listen to me without giving me any advice but share his or her experience, if not, shuddup. i need somebody who will not ask why when i need a hug. i need somebody who enjoys the sweet silence as much as i do. words are not necessary. just sit next to me and i can feel you. sure i want somebody to understand but i dont need the stress. i'm not about being analysed like it's some kind of test.

if you're over me, i'm alreadie over you

if it's all been alone, what is left to do

how can you hang up if the line is dead

if you wanna walk, i'm a step ahead

if you're moving on, i'm alreadie gone

if the light is off then it isn't on

i love being myself but hate being rejected. i wanted to change to have it all. you might not knoe but you hit me fast and hard when you turned to me and said, never change the wae you're. i knoe you might be the one who walk awae one dae, but thanks for the words. i've never felt being so much accepted before.

dont brood over things that

turn the daes blue

dont try to make yourself perfect

there's no need for that

as nobody is perfect

i broke down. i cried. i swore at the world. i pity myself. i shut them off. i closed myself up. i woke up. i stepped out. the emptiness is not yet filled. but i've got a new mask.

spread your wings and fly

it might take a little

and it might take alot

but.. why not

why not

i'm sorrie. i dint mean to hurt. tell me how to love like you've never been hurt

everything is working out fine

you've got all the things you want

and i've got mine

no more struggle and strife

kicking back and digging

it's a wonderful life

2004-08-01T14:50:00.000+08:00

her *pea

heex everyone is falling in love w jj!! chinyee told me that he smiled at her. haha. okay, he's quite cute...boyboy cute. but he's kind of small and scrawny yar? :s and he's really shy!! ha that adds to his cuteness right? xiaoyi is also in love with him. oh no. she called me and the first thing she said was, "i'm in love with JJ!!" (=.=') puh-leeze...xiaoyi, have you ever considered the fact that you're probably taller than JJ? heex. but i approve of JJ more than those "singers" that chinyee used to like...for example f4 and 5566. what's the hype about them? at least JJ has more talent. he can compose tunes right? and he's singaporean haha. patriotic me.

our school area got alot of cute caucasian kids!!! next time muz marry caucasian then can have beautiful kids. :) dotx. but jozzy don't need la. she so chio, get an ugly husband can liao. heex. don't need to choose the genes. cos' sure perfect one. hahaha. egoistical jozzy. fang fang is naughty girl izzit? i thought so too. haha cos' she's different from the other PRCs. she's more open and sociable. tsk tsk. naughty fang fang. fake until so real. her face so angelic!!! paulin want to fake guai also cannot...cos' her face says "bad girl". :p

haiyoh, paulin, what you are feeling now must be really complex. but it is the feelings one get when she is on the way to letting go right? at least you're silly no more. and you better be. i'm still worried that you're still hoping. jozzy and i both worry actually. but we support you all the way yar? muackz muackz! ::someday...someone will come along, and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else::

~~i hate twong.~~ i wanted to talk about that parasite then i decided not to. cos' talkin abt her waste my energy and time. so anw, i tink cai mama meant well la. but we were talking about important issues!! sex ed!! :X heex, next time we go to the swing and talk about it instead.

okay, on to the main issue. her. u're upset by what she wrote. obviously you will be. both joz and i read it before she gave it to you. we warned her that you're gonna be really angry. i was stunned at first, cos' it's supposed to be a birthday card. but she said that she just wanted you to understand how she feels. maybe what she wrote was really harsh, but maybe there is some level of truth to it? i didn't read it in detailed, but i think those words were from her heart. what she had wanted to tell you for a long time. she didn't even care that she was probably going to be hated by you. and about the thing you done and confided in her, she never did tell anyone else. don't regret ever telling her, cos you vented it and it stopped with her. frankly, i'm really curious how far you went and all that, but she never told me. she said that you placed your trust with her, and even though you guys aren't close anymore, she will abide by her promise and not tell. i respect her for that. and about what she did, i guess she has the right to tell more than one person right? if i'm you, i'll probably be disappointed too, but you have to accept the fact that you're no longer so close to her. nowadays, when you guys talk, it's not even about yourselves. she knows you dislike her. and she has chosen to just ignore your dislike and get on with life. which is good, in a way. at least you 2 can live your lives without any conflicts. no more quarrels. she doesn't want to harp on it. bcos to her, friendships come and go. she won't do much to salvage friendships. so don't be upset yar? joz and i cant really do anything. we don't take sides, but we wish you 2 the best in your friendship.

_{: : falling in love is just that - falling. sometimes you merely trip and stub your toes. sometimes you fall and scrape your knees.} but sometimes you smack your head against the pavement and die<sub> : : oh no! what does the last part mean? so ominous!

::If you're going to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now::

2004-07-30T17:13:00.000+08:00

junjie junjie! JJ! *paulin!

oh like i care~ hahahass! we tried acting enthu but pooey! ended up crapping and laughing *living in our own world. as alwaes* hahahass! yeah. this lin junjie JJ came to our school and had a mini concert. i've never heard of him until todae! oh man! hahahass! but seems like he's not bad. his music and dance move. hahahass! not bad lah~ 4/1 even made beeg posters and one of them actuallie says 'look here!' in chinese! hahahass! many were screaming blahblahblah~ dont knoe reallie is his fans or just acting enthu. lol. but his fans club came! whoah! so hot stuff huh! hahahass! peibei they all were trying hard to act enthu but peibei's voice just cracked! hahahass! took photos! real uglie lah! hahahass! took my 'mei tui' some more! hahahass! sick! thunder thighs! hahahass! all in all, it was boring! yawn yawn! had autograph session at library after that i think. siqi and germaine were so excited that he shook their hands and wished them happie birthdae. hahahass!

20/30 for english compre. yawn! i better practise more compre manx! it alwaes pulls my overall down. hahahass. too dense too dense!

went to coro after the mini concert with fangfang. went to games city for french fries! yummieeeee! and guess what hotnerds! i saw a real cute acs guy! hahahass! whoah! rare chance manx! heehee! usuallie it's all crowded with stewpid chinese high guys! hahahass! cute cute! heehee! saw some cute babies too! so luckie! hahahass! saw a caucasian mwummie with three kids. two little sisters and a brother. eldest brother is onlie around 10 i think. hahahass. he dotes on his sister alot! envy envy! then guess what! they cycled to coro! it's something like a tricycle *is that how you spell that?* ah whatever. hahahass! damn cool! not like those old poke one lah! hahahahss! so sweeeeet! saw another little boiboi trying to feed the bear bear statue bonjour chocolate bread! he even talked to the bear bear! sooooooooooo cute! oh! fangfang told me she was a very bad girl! can you imagine that! hahahass! i admire her one okie! she looks so refined so elegant! junchen even said 'like a swan' hahahass! she said she swear she uses bad words! aiyooyoo! but that's bad in china! hahahass! she said must fake here! hahahass! so naughty!

pea wrote a love letter for me! thankew! heehee! touched touched! sometimes if your loved one has never done something great to you, you will think that they dont care about you or they dont even knoe you. hahahass. kissie kissie! pea reallie knoes me =D cherie once told yushan 'you see paulin alwaes so happie so carefree liddat, look at her eyes, it's all sorrow' hahahass! what the! i dint even knoe! bleahx! : : a friend is someone who can see the truth and pain in your eyes even when you're fooling everyone else : :

: : if it's real, true love then it'll alwaes be there. you can pretend it's gone and even move on but that love, it's still there, in the depths of your mind. sometimes a single object or song triggers it all, and you're right back where you started.. in the arms of the one you lost : : i still think of him. sometimes. yeah pea. i'm at stage 3. i'm able to face it, accept it and have overcome it. but i still cant let it go. not at all. not yet. ~~i've pinned so much hope on it.~~ i was silly. but i'm silly no more. heehee! i can openly shout to the whole world that i'm single when i've made it! hahahass! i'm still married okie! heehee! note: i dint mean i still love him alrighte. it's just too complicated to phrase out what am i feeling right now. heehee!

i wanna watch ella! dead broke paulin wanna watch ella! hahahass! stewpid graduation night have to pay 50 bucks! cant they just deduct from giro account?! eediot! if mwummie dont gimme money how! $.$

had chem practical todae! hahahass! real havoc! luckily mrs chew never saw me =P shhhhh! or else she'll wanna ban me from lab again! hahahass! SHHHHH! i reallie hate QA 'cause i'm sooooo damn scared of the bunsen burner! tsktsk! how! now whenever we need to heat or warm it i just copie cherie's result! bleahx! cai mama was damn mean todae! we were talking about some sex issues =X made quite abit of noise lah. hahahass. then she got pissed off and pointed at pea 'you've become very bad these daes' then looked at me and jozzie 'dont knoe if it's because you've made some bad friends' what the! so mean!

was thinking about her again. honestly, most of the time we were together, we just did crazie nonsensical things. i hardly tell her anything. in fact, i dint reallie trust her. not in the sense that she'll betray me or whatever lah but just not uncomfortable to confide in her. but why i'm still upset! pooey pooey paulin is mad!

tune in to 93.3 after 12 mignight todae!! siqi said she's making a dedication for us! heehee! hope that i wun fall asleeeeep =P

homework!
` ss workbook 4A page 21 - find evidence to prove *i dont knoe what. think is reliability* from source A
` english summary - dont knoe what the hell that passage is talking about *DNA*
` physics paper - shouldn't take me long 'cause i will just skip all the questions *physcis eediot*
` amaths revision 11 - surds, indices, logarithms

oh! germaine has this reallie farnie webbie! web.singnet.com.sg/~heyishan hahahass! she's talking using all kinda farnie accents! hahahass! no time to link yet! so just put it here first =D

: : falling in love is just that - falling. sometimes you merely trip and stub your toes. sometimes you fall and scrape your knees. but soemtimes you smack your head against the pavement and die : :

2004-07-30T11:06:00.000+08:00

i lay my love on you`heehee! *paulin!

Just a smile and the rain is gone
Can hardly believe it (yeah)
There's an angel standing next to me
Reaching for my heart

Just a smile and there's no way back
Can hardly believe it (yeah)
But there's an angel calling me
Reaching for my heart

I know that I'll be ok now, this time it's real

Chorus :
I lay my love on you, it's all I wanna do
Everytime I breathe I feel brand new
You open up my heart
Show me all your love, and walk right through
As I lay my love on you

I was lost in a lonely place
Could hardly even believe (yeah)
Holding on to yesterday
Far, far too long

Now I believe its ok cause this time it's real

[Chorus]

I never knew that love could feel so good

Like once in a lifetime, you change my world

I lay my love on you
You make me feel brand new
Show me all your love, and walk right through (oh yeah)
As I lay my love on you

[Chorus]

I lay my love on you
You make me feel brand new
You open up my heart
Show me all your love, and walk right through (oh yeah)
As I lay my love on you
As I lay my love on you

2004-07-29T17:02:00.000+08:00

Care n concerned! *joZZiE

::you become the meaning of my life::
Let's talk this over
IT's not like we r dead
Was it something i did?
Was it something you said?
Don't leave me hanging
in a city so dead
held up high on such a breakable thread

You've got ur dumb friends
I know what they sae (we are AA)
They tell you i'm difficult (i'm ugly i m AA)
But SO ARE THEY!
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?

Pea said that the above two paragraphs are just right! the top one's for paulin, the bottom one's for me. Yea! and i think its true. don't you think so paulin? Dumb friends! they r real dumb and tasteless! =D

::Ask me if i still love him::
I dunno what to sae. It's that i dun love him as much though i still have some feelings for him. I don't feel that much for him. Numb period? But when i think about him now, i dun feel the sadness as much as when it was a few weeks ago. So, give me some more time and i can sae i dun love him anymore. Yeah? So it isn't love. HahhaZ! but i miss him. Miss him! Miss him! =D lol..pea told me to msg him to ask him how he was..and i msged him but..since then till now..about 1.5h...i have yet to receive a reply. Pea told me he will reply. But i dun place too much hope in receiving a reply. Cos he won't. theres a 90% chance that he won't reply. Isn't it basic courtesy to reply?

::What can i do to make you love me? What can i do to make you care? What can i sae to make you feel this?What can i do to get you there?::

I found out yesterdae that there are many fwens around me who care. They really do care and i think that if i have any problems next time i will turn to them. =D

::Holding your hand, i won't fear tomorrow::

2004-07-29T16:51:00.000+08:00

standing still *paulin!

heehee! sooooo long never blog! bloggie bloggie i miss you~ lalalaaaaa~

had a great surprise from shanyou, vern yie, yushan, kaikai and juju! juju said wanna go petrol kiosk and she actuallie led me to the function room. was doubting but thought it is impossible as i never see them preparing. but boom! an ice cream cake! heehee! so touched! even shanyou was here! wheeeeeee! by the time they finished singing birthdae song, i was still munching biscuit. hahahass! so took three breath to blow off the candles. heehee! so happie! it was reallie nice! vanilla + strrawberry + chocolate flavour with strawberry and peach! yummieeeee! stewpid shanyou and vern yie made a cream pie. i thought shanyou wun dare to throw the pie and me 'cause i was holding her handphone. god knoes she'll throw at my hongzi! with an innocent face some more! eediot! heehee! ran after her, kaikai and vernyie. cream flew all over. scolded by the stewpid luzhi teacher. yawn. spoilt my party. hahahass! heck. so cleaned up. they gave me a bracelet! an angel bracalet! heehee! but they emphasized that it's not because i'm an angel but they hope i'll be one. hahahass! what rubbish! had a folder with photos and their words too. heehee! nice! except the photos! oh man! seems like i'm a little less uglie now. hahahass!

was upset by what she wrote though. she sounds as if she's regret to be with us last time. as if she doesn't value it anymore. whether it's still there doesn't bother her. i get reallie upset. there was a time when she sms me from malaysia saying that she did something wrong, something real serious and i told her i've done something worse *shall not mention what's that before you guys get disgusted* anywae. i was silly to think that she told me because we're close or else i wun tell her i've done that. i never tell anyone because i'm so shameful of it. anywae. i was so disappointed when i realised she told another friend too. maybe i'm selfish and just wanna share something that's onlie between us. but the topic was a reallie sensitive and personal one. i reallie regret for telling her i've done that. since she said 'i knoe we're not so close but i dont mind because there's nothing to do about it' i shall not care. but if i'm her boyfriend, will she not care too?

went for track and field. a real disappointment. not because we dint beat cedar but our school spirit is reallie like shit. i'm surprised that i love nanyang. heehee! anywae. most of the sec one dint cheer while they were the onlie level that was made compulsory to go. some were doing work stardieing geography or whatever shit. reallie got pissed off. imagine i'm the one taking part. ha. i'll just die. onlie a few of us went and we onlie occupied damn little space. looked pathetic i bet. chinese high was annoying. behaved exactly like communists claping their hands high above their heads like baboons, painted themselves red and yellow like revolutionalists. and when it rained, streaks of paints on their school shirts. that's real hilarious. talking about rain. my hongzi was stained with patches of green blue and purple inks. poor jozzie has her handphone and calculator spoilt. love letters from me were soaked and she threw it awae! got so patriotic that we actuallie ran around the stadium holding nanyang flags! was a disaster 'cause i couldn't hold it properly! knocked other schools' flag poles and literally covered a cedarian's head! she was like 'walau!' oops! sorrie lah! though i reallie dislike cedar 'cause my first crush's girlfriend was from cedar! *not you okie jason =P* a guy was saeing 'wah! so embarrassing!' in chinese when we ran pass. if not because i was too engrossed in running i would have walked up to him and knocked him with the flag pole! eediot! i think he's from ri. freako! i'm getting more and more anti ri. lol! was looking for him and wanshin. of course i couldn't. dont think he'll go. he doesn't like. hahahass. and i cant even remember wanshin's face. lol. saw nick yaofeng weiming shawn though. onlie! hahahass. bored. some sec 1s were playing soccer at the back, using the two poles that held our banner as err what do you call that? hahahass! whatever lah! two cedarians joined in and their seniors were shouting at them 'eh cedarians come back dont disgrace us can!' our sec1s were still plaeing. dint they knoe that they're insulting them indirectly? dense! got pissed off and shouted at them =X 'if you all dont wanna cheer just go home can! dont disgrace us for god's sake!' oops. i bet they hate me. i will if somebody scolds me liddat. lol! heck.

something happened. hope she is feeling better now and will realise who reallie worth her love. somehow i reallie envy her to have a guy so faithful and loyal to her, who is there whenever she needs comfort. huggies!

went back alone. took 11 to kallang mrt station. bought top up card. it's onlie then the supposedly smart jason realised he can sms me the password and pin so that i can top up my phone. waste me money. eediot. how am i supposed to survive with 8 bucks! anywae. took 961 after that. the driver was nasty. asked him if this bus passes by bukit timah. 'which part of bukit timah!' 'err dunearn road?' bleahx! how i knoe which part! then he started yelling some shit i dint wanna pay attention to. got scared when it passed by some weird places. passed by chinatown and i got so excited! almost alighted! hahahass! there are sooooo many food there! oh man!! got one beeg beeg bakery some more! -slurp!- must go there one dae! heehee!! cherie once told me there are lotsa yummieeeeee food!! heehee!!!! eat eat eat! anywae. an auntie aboard and sat beside me so i comfirmed with her. i was on the verge of crying man! hahahass! so scared! jason called and asked me dont cry =.=' very useful. reallie. no sarcasm. hahahass. anywae. by the time i got back was around 8. saw the bus with school counsellors. what rubbish! they were dismissed so much later than me and we reached at the same time! tsktsk! eediot!

swimming this saturdae! siaoyee you better dont fall sick again huh! heehee! sundae watch movie! that's if jason can treat me. heehee! damn broke!! wanna buy $1.o5 chips from popular also cannot! so copped from fangfang! heehee!

here's the list of songs i wanna find the lyrics - heehee!
` she'll be loved
` look what you've done
` this love
` everytime
` i lay my love on you *heehee!*
` the reason
` in the shadows
` if i ain't got you
` talk to me
` come on
` there's gotta be more to life
` come clean
` get out (leave)
` pieces of me
` left outside alone
` love is a feeling (i thought is love is feeding when reading pea's list! sooooo hungrie!)
` i dont want you back
` burn

: : a friend is one who knoes you and loves you just the same : :

2004-07-27T21:04:00.000+08:00

Glory Of Love *pea

Tonight it's very clear
Cause we're both lying here
There's so many things
I wanna say I will always love you
I will never leave you alone

Sometimes I just forget,
say things I might regret
It breaks my heart to see you crying
I don't want to lose you
I could never make it alone

I am a man who would fight for your honor
I'll be the hero you're dreaming of
We'll live forever knowing together
That we did it all for the glory of love

You keep me standing tall
You help me through it all
I'm always strong when you're beside me
I have always needed you
I could never make it alone

I am a man who would fight for your honor
I'll be the hero you've been dreaming of
We'll live forever knowing together
That we did it all for the glory of love

It's like a knight in shining armor
From a long time ago
Just in time I will save the day
Take you to my castle far away
I am the man who will fight for your honor
I'll be the hero that you're dreaming of
We're gonna live forever knowing together
That we did it all for the glory of love
We live forever knowing together
That we did it all for the glory of love
We did it all for love
We did it all for love
We did it all for love
We did it all for love...

_{jozzy, glory of love. give ur bf to use for marriage proposal to u. :) it's too mushy haha. all love love love. stupid. i'll burn the cd asap. sigh stupid my bro la. use finish liao never go buy new cds.}

2004-07-27T20:50:00.000+08:00

Someday We'll Know *pea

Mandy Moore ft. Jonathan Foreman

Ninety miles outside Chicago
Can't stop driving I don't know why
So many questions, I need an answer
Two years later you're still on my mind

Whatever happened to Amelia Earheart?
Who holds the stars up in the sky?
Is true love just once in a lifetime?

Did the captain of the Titanic cry?

Oh, Someday we'll know
If love can move a mountain
Someday we'll know
Why the sky is blue
Someday we'll know
Why I wasn't meant for you...

Does anybody know the way to Atlantis?
Or what the wind says when she cries?
I'm speeding by the place that I met you
For the ninety-seventh time...Tonight

Someday we'll know
If love can move a mountain
Someday we'll know
Why the sky is blue
Someday we'll know
Why I wasn'y meant for you...
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah

Someday we'll know
Why Samson loved Dalilah?
One day I'll go
Dancing on the moon
Someday you'll know
That I was the one for you....

Open up the world
I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow
Watched the stars crash in the sea
If I can ask God just one question
Why aren't you here with me tonight?

Oh, Someday we'll know
If love can move a mountain
Someday we'll know
Why the sky is blue
Someday we'll know
Why I wasn't meant for you...
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah
Someday we'll know
Why Samson loved Dalilah
One day I'll go
Dancing on the moon
Someday you'll know
That I was the one for you....

2004-07-27T20:48:00.000+08:00

My Happy Ending *pea

Avril Lavigne

So much for my happy ending
oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...
Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something you said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead held up so high
On such a breakable thread
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

CHORUS
You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

CHORUS
It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

CHORUS X 2

oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

2004-07-27T20:45:00.000+08:00

Without You *pea

Clay Aiken & Kimberly Locke

Never even thought to cry
When I heard you say good-bye
Never said where you were going
There's no laughter in the air
Only silence everywhere
And so much left unspoken
Since you've been gone
I haven't been the same
I wish that I could see
Who's to blame

Chorus :
Without you, where do I belong?
Without you, how can I go on?
No love but yours will ever do
Tell me how am I supposed to live my life without you?

Was I lost in you and me
To the point I couldn't see
That what we had was dying
Now it's all that I can do
To see photographs of you
And stop myself from cryin'
I should learn to live without your love
Got so many memories, but it's not enough

Repeat Chorus

I feel helpless and oh so all alone
Ooh Like I've never felt before
You made me feel alive
But I don't remember what it's like anymore

Repeat Chorus

MUACKS

2004-07-26T18:51:00.000+08:00

2004-07-26T18:11:00.000+08:00

I'm BACK! *jozziE

*MUACKS*
got scolded by pea and paulin! they said i din't blog almost the whole week plus the weekends. hahs..sorry! was busy dealing with homework (i haven't done my bio!) and all those tests we are having this week and i'm struggling with integration can? So sorry! todae's mondae..a new week..i shall blog k?

few daes ago on saturdae..was walking to adam's food centre opposite serene centre..and then i almost got knocked down by a car that was really speeding! We were guai and were crossing at the pedestrain crossing..we waited for the cars to stop before we stepped off the platform onto the road..budden..got of no where..a car just zoomed past in front of me. If i walked a little faster, i would be knocked down. Hey n i still remembered the car plate no. --SDG2695Z--..issit?stupid..if i got knocked down..oh man! i dun wan to suffer an accident!!!!

And on that saturdae..when i got home from tuition, i was damn pissed for no reason. Mayb my mood swings. I shouted at my parents..(both of them) and then i went for a shower. I thought that they were making me more and more stressed. I m in a duress. I m under a lot of pressure. My mom keeps comparing me to another guy from RV. WE are from DIFF SCHOOLS and we don't share a common background. I dun care if he wakes up at 3 in the morning to study or tops the whole level for Social studies..WAd E? i dun care if he lies to his mother abt his gf or reaching home late or going for "tuition" on sundaes. I dun wanna care. The person who is studying is me. And i m matured enough to think for myself. I want a bright future. But who said that to have a bright future, i have to endure so much stress? I have enough stress. The A maths paper, physics paper and all those stupid questions i dun even have an inkling about how to go abt answer them...ALL THESE ARE STRESS! at this pt of time, i need their understanding and not their COMPARING. if i dun do my best, i will feel guilty and i will study harder. Isn't this enough??? And i hate my school! I rather transfer to a neighbourhood school where teachers are not as biased and the teachers put in effort into teaching. I dun need u to pray for me! Just teach me how to answer the questions. I need information, i need techniques..NOT PRAYERS! sigh...Wad m i doing here? i hate it.

And my mom! I dun write guy things in my diary. Neither does she know about this blog. And i brought my handphone out that dae. When i reached home, she asked me whether i want to have a boyfren or not and she asked which of my frens have boyfrens and she asked if i m close to those who have boyfrens. And then she said that our family is very open with boyfriend stuffs. She said dun worrie cos i will have suitors next time. I dun have to worrie now. She also said that if u study hard enough, dun worry, guys will automatically come to u. And then she started asking who is daniel. BUT WAIT! i dun write about him in my diary, n he's not saved as "daniel" on my phone. She doesn't know about this blog. Neither do i write the word all over my papers or files. I just dunno how she knew about him. I tot of my planner where i wrote my fwens' b-daes on. From there? but most unlikely cos i have other guys' birthdaes on my planner. Why him? I really dunno. I feel like asking her. But..it also means that i'm guilty right? But..anw..i'm not guilty. I jus told her his a normal fren, introduced by my other fren and we dun go out. ISn;t it the truth? we went out but we r not going out anymore. Sigh..Funnie right? i duno how she found out abt him. but there's alot in common between my mom and paulin's mom rite? lol

todae's 26th july..one month after the dae we spent most time wif each other=) but..hahhas..oh well..i'm not dwelling on this..i dun wan to go into a depressed mood again.

How many more daes to prelims? v v little ritE? but dun care la..wait aft WEDNESDAE! its the national track and field competition..Paulin, Yinghong, pea and me are going!!! yeP!! hahhas...even if its not fun, we'll make it fun..jus told justin that if he v sian that dae..he can come over look for us..but he muz cheer for NY also..lol..den he sae he not going to betray his sch. HRMP! but we're gonna have soooo much fun!

Yushan seems very pissed off w us..why? i dunno. i told her justin doesn't think she's chio..den she said "do i have to be chio to be someone's gf?"

...........................................

Sigh..why lidat? it's jus a joke la...why so serious? what's wrong? why so pissed?

guess everyone's damn stressed now..and we three hotnerds..of cos we do feel stressed..right? we're 100% pure^ o level students sia! =D..hahhas..

Sorry for not blogging for such a long time..but this long entry will be enuff to compensate rite? lol..

Oh yar..update here..ever since the time he spited me, we din't talk. paulin asked me this. so..i think i should keep u guys updated..lol..hahs..and i changed the lyrics--->

::WE weren't meant to be, not supposed to be and of course! WE lost it::

Isn't this nice? lol..

:: The supreme happiness in life is the conviction that we are all loved::

joan! i dun have a boyfren! hahhas..but i have people who love me lots and lots..and stop mentioning about my postcard! hahhsa..lol..=)

2004-07-26T17:02:00.000+08:00

GRRRRRRRRRR! *paulin!

i'm typing this bloggie for the second time 'cause the window suddenly closed down. got soooo pissed off i actuallie kicked the cpu and my toes almost dropped off. pssssssssssssssst! so breathe in~ fart out~ chill!

alrighte. supposed to go to siaoyee's place to swim but 'i think you better not come my house tomorrow. i'm very dangerous. i got FLU. i'm CONTAGIOUS' ah pooey! made me got soooo excited over nothing >.< went out with jason. by the time we bought brotherhood movie tix, it's alreadie one minute before it started. should have bought popcorn. was sooooo hungrie that i almost ate vern yie's cofi-o. like refugee liddat. hungiree and cold. tsktsk. jason choked on the listerine i gave him. interesting. and dumb. hahahass. the show was not bad. but not much effect so dont reallie worth it to watch in theatre. ha. it's touching. and i kept thinking about err iraq? it's iraq that is or was having war right? hahahass. whatever. but i dint knoe that's how war is like. you can be dead in any second. alright. i admit i laughed when the soldier asked 'where is my arm?!' but err. bleahx. not sadist okie! i cried. so did jason. but i think he tried to squeeze the tears out so that i wun sae he's cold-blooded. heh. still think it's nice though i got so confused by north south communist and err. what do you call the opposition? nationalist? ah whatever. call myself a historie student. lol. had free doughtnuts. should have taken more =P choco ball is nice. though it tastes exactly like my double choco. hahahass.

clh was irritating. 'one.. two .. three.. four.. five. no? nobody has anymore thing to sae? okie discussion's closed' oh man. me and jozzie were imagining she goes for some matchmaking thing 'one.. two.. three.. four.. five. no? nobody wants me?' hahahahss! that's hilarious manx! poo poo!

went to photocopying room with pea. that auntie was ARGH! was looking at the prelim chem paper on the counter 'no no! dont anyhow touch!' then she put it awae. pooey! who ask me to be soooo diligent. hahahass. wanted to collect whatever cme form thingie. but she said onlie got chinese compre and we said we're not collecting that. then she snatched that chinese stack from me. closed the record book. gave us a nasty look 'then dont have dont have loh!' KICK HER AH!

got soooo fed up with drawing bio specimen 'bio is sooooo damn boring lah!' forgot that i was sitting at the first row. lee shan shan was like 'did you just sae something about bio?' bleahx! was happily talking awae when lss called me 'paulin come come! why do you look so free and easy?' 'err 'cause i finished alreadie?' 'your bio is not gootx you better brush up' bleahx! gave her a silly grin. turned back to jozzie. continued talking. alrighte. i'll stardie okie. and be a 70s policewoman. hahahass!

: : tears may dry up, but heart never : : i'm not sure of how i feel now. there's alwaes a numb period after that. onlie it's longer this time. sometimes you just wanna stae numb instead of walking out of the shadow and try out a new one. it's difficult when you knoe it'll end. just a matter of who is going to hurt who this time. : : we're alwaes afraid to start something that we want to make very gootx, true and serious : : was telling jozzie that we dont fall in love again. she thought for a moment and said 'huh! dont want lah! then you'll lose lotsa opportunities! wasted!' hahahass! typical auntie jozzie. but she's right. no no. i mean, it's true. hahahass! how can i ever sae jozzie is right! =P

siaoyee is alwaes depressed. i think i can feel. it couldn't be just her result. she's lonely. she feels empty. she hasn't found someone who can reallie understand her needs. cheer up yeah bud! kissie kissie huggies huggies! : : everything will be alrighte. if it isn't, it's not the end yet : :

2004-07-26T15:09:00.000+08:00

thoughts. *pea

::A friend is someone who dances with you in the sunlight and walks with you in the shadows.::

i spoke to xiaoyi on the phone yesterday. i was kind of moody and i ticked her off. told her indirectly to not wallow in self-pity and just concentrate on working hard. i was mean to her, didn't comfort her like i usually do when she calls me. think i was too stressed out to care. sorry xiaoyi! but i just wanted you to know that it's no use complaining and feeling sorry for yourself, cos' we're in the same boat? we're all so called O levels students.

anyway, i was just reflecting in the car this morning. stared out of the window and watched the world zoomed past me. saw students waiting for buses. saw people walking on the streets. the start of a new day.

and i thought of so many reasons why we should not be depressed. why do we like to wallow in self-pity and whine non-stop about the tremendous amount of stress we face? why do we like to make a great fuss out of our tests and assignments? why do we like to behave as if the whole world, especially the teachers, owe us? why do we like to think of ourselves as poor victims of the education system?

i know i am one of those who loves thinking that i'm oh-so-pitiful. i complain to my mom who brushes me off and tell me to just work hard, cos' i'm not working hard enough. then i get really pissed off and threw tantrums. but i think my mom is right.

i experienced one of those earthquake tremors yesterday again. it was the 3rd time i ever felt it. the first time it happened, i freaked out. but yesterday, i felt a sense of grief washed over me. i'm aware that somewhere, someplace, someone is dying every second. it is happening even as i'm typing this. but when i felt the tremors, i knew, really knew that someone not far away just lost a life or a home, a kin. the realization hit me, struck me. in a split second, i felt like crying. and then i felt ashamed of myself. the fact that i was happily sitting before my computer when a natural disaster was happening just seemed surreal.

human lives are really tough, but fragile too. easily taken away. the novel we read in secondary 2, "our town", it's so true. i'm glad for every single thing that i experienced. simple pleasures are really what make up our lives. small things like chatting with my family in the car, laughing with hotnerds and other friends, struggling with maths sums in my room, "dancing" along to accidentally in love, feeling cold when the sea breeze blows over me, and then feeling warm again when i wrapped a cardigan around myself, sharing gossips with jozzy and spouting nonsense with paulin, chatting online with xinyi, going out with friends for a movie, walking to the canteen and trying not to eat but failing miserably, going to baker's inn for cheesecakes. okay, the last one isn't a simple pleasure. it is an immense pleasure. haha. but yeah, memories do count. we have family, friends, a reasonably prestigious education, and basically a great life! so what if we face academic stress? we just have to face it and work harder. we have a future that we have the ability to mould into success. we have so much going on in our lives. we are living.

not that i'm a complete optimist. i cried too because i hated the stress. i felt like giving up when i realised we have a physics mock exam on wednesday, amaths mock paper 2 tomorrow. but sometimes i feel that we are so caught up in our woes that we do not cherish what we have.

happiness is wanting what you have. yes, it is also having what you want. but just the latter won't be enough. if one is only happy when he has what he wants, he will never be happy.

just felt like penning my thoughts. sorry that i'm very long-winded. i just find it pointless to feel sorry for myself. since we are alive and kicking, we should face life with a smile! the world doesn't just revolves around us. we work towards our goals and we get what we want, but the world won't stop and celebrate with us. when we fail, the world doesn't stop to console us. we are responsible for ourselves. and we cause our own failures.

::You look at the things you love, and once you realize that you’re going to lose them, you sit and think of all of those memories you had...the times you played and just sat there...hoping that this very moment will last forever. But then you finally see that things will never be, so you wait and try not to realize the one thing that you can't dare to dream...losing that special thing that meant so much...leaving you with tears that form a stream down your lonely cheek...but the one thing you can have with you forever are those sweet memories you shared together.::

2004-07-26T00:28:00.000+08:00

ahem *pea

hmph. paulin choong. who ever said that you can terrorised the blog? you meanie. kick my butt somemore. slap you tomorrow. hahax.
good that you've gotten over him! wow, you need hotnerds to survive? you need joz and i to survive? i didn't know we are so crucial to you heex. my ego is inflated. :) heyhey you want only 3 kids? i thought you said 6? bring them on our hot nerd day 10 years later okay? i wanna bully them heex. i think your kids are gonna be scaree...sure very naughty one. just like their mother. hmph. oh no i never study clit! sigh only did alot of maths today. A LOT. do until i feel sick at the sight of maths sums now. haha.
i like the song 'don't want you back'. it's explicit...with f*** in every sentence in the chorus. but they censored it la. haha i like the tune. and they censored the shit in avril's my happy ending. shit is not vulgar, just crude. those censorship stuff are so troublesome. tsk.
by the way, nice dream you had hur? stay together! next time we stay together!!! roommates! everyone. we all go england or the united states to study. then we stay in the same house and motivate each other. i wanna go to oxford university. lofty dreams. hee. by the way, my dad wants me to go raffles jc. not very keen on it. oops must see my marks first. haha. study!!!! i shall devour my clit book tomorrow. clit clit. big tummy big tummy.

2004-07-24T21:35:00.000+08:00

a hungrie girl is an angrie girl *paulin!

here i am again!! -kick pea's butt!- who gives you the right to be here ah! i have terrorised this bloggie! paulin's private property! no trespassing you eeeeeeediot! grrrrrrrrrrrrr! *.*

just wanna tell the world, especially hotnerds! i've gotten over him! no longer staring at his nick and wondering why he never talk to me! never cry when hugging the bear he gave! put his sec 1 cute cute chubby photo in my wallet and if i happen to see him can return him! heehee! guess i was just bu shuang he left it hanging there lah! not like i need him more than hotnerds to survive! : : Our road will be smooth and untroubled if we travel the pathway together and walk side by side with friends : : now happie ending! hahahass! that song by avril damn nice lah! hahahass! congrats me people! aren't you all glad that i finallie grow up? : : growing up is the hardest thing someone can do by themselves : : maybe i should thank him! hahahass! whoever saes paulin is childish and i will draw a turtle and write your name on it. spit at it step on it tear it burn it! poo poo!

: : someone will come along and make you finallie realise why it never worked out with anyone else : :

pea! i'm still hoping! but not on him lah! hahahahass! true love! and i will get married with at least 3 kids! oh isn't it lovely? hahahahass! paulin is crazieeeeeeeeeeeee!

note: i have been stardieing clit book 1 since this morning and i onlie managed to finish one chapter! not the first chapter lah! not sooooo loser! the last chapter! hahahahss! i will score FULL mark for you stewpid beeg tummy!

oh! before i forget! i had a dream! again! but it was a gootx one after sooooo long! hahahass! all of us stae together and i mean all! not just hotnerds but all our gootx mutual friends! boys and girls! the place was soooooo beeg! no words to describe but it's just tooooooooooooo fun! heehee!

2004-07-24T18:07:00.000+08:00

hello!! *pea

i'm so busy! busy busy busy. busy people have no time to blog. haha.
"because they dont sit down and listen to me."
hey i'm not sure what you mean, but if you have anything to tell us, please do. okay? haha at least you understand that we care. we do. but i need to apologize for being so mean to you. i shouldn't have told you during recess. should have waited till a more appropriate time. then at least you have more time and space to calm down and comprehend things. but i'm glad that at least you know that you have to let go now. at least you can gradually forget and not cling on to that hope. and don't cling on to that hope still kae? that quote is just a quote. not a hint. haiyoh. :) anyway, just remember that we're here to confide in if you want. and don't cry too much. maybe shed 10 tears tonight, then 8 tomorrow. by next week, your tear duct shouldn't be working overtime okay? hahax.
:: no man is worth your tears, one who is will not make you cry ::
haha, we really need to work harder for the dance. paulin, jozzy and i was thinking that we do the afro pose for the ending instead of the lying down pose. we put one hand on our waist and the other raised to meet at the middle of the circles. it suits our theme better. anyway, try to stay back on monday to practise kae? but we have amaths test on tuesday. tsk. and physics timed trial on wed. and national track and field meet. whichever we're going.
so miserable. jozzy and i got scolded by mrs ang today. stupid. we are forever so NYAA. and i'm not trying to AA, just wanted to talk cannot isit? sigh.
haha i hope yushan meet-the-parents-in-law session went well. we were all kinda moody this morning. the dance practice didn't go well. nevermind. jiayou next week! oh yinghong, jozzy and i went to adam food centre for lunch. when we were crossing the road to the food center, a car sped past us and almost knocked jozzy down!!! we were walking at the pedestrian crossing and the light was green! that stupid car sped on even though the traffic light was red. gosh, i can't imagine what would have happen if jozzy walked a little faster. i'm disgusted by such irresponsible people. putting others' lives in danger. revolting behaviour. we tried to remember the car plate number. can sue him. that parasite. yucks.

2004-07-24T16:16:00.000+08:00

i wanna fly! *paulin!

it's terrible! jozzie and pea never blog! this become my own bloggie liddat! hahahass! i terrorised it! ah blahblahblah whatever crap. lol.

had bio test todae! i just cant do heredity. lol.. rrrrrubbish! i dare you to bet i will pass! =P after that we went to fourth floor for dance practice. lol. told my mwummie and she was like 'you finallie quit band and join dance!' hahahahss! gootxness! that's our pe module this term! but i'm loving it! heehee! alrighte. we cant choreograph a presentable dance yet. lol. boo boo! and yushan was not concentrating! she was in a rush to meet parents-in-law lah! tsktsk! kick her out! hahahass!

mwummie came and bought kfc! yummieeeeeeeeeee leh!! -slurp!-

i wanna watch brotherhooooooooooooooood!!!!!!!!! >.<

nelson msged me and asked if i'm at nyco concert! hahahahass! mad! i cant appreciate co music! tsktsk! asked me who's brendan's gf! soooooooooooo kpo! guys nowadaes! hahahahss!

why we alwaes quarrel huh! tsktsk!

i should stardie! hahahahss! boo boo!

: : whether a friend shares our feeling or merely understands it, her ability to make room for our emotion is invaluable, expecially when we share our tears, the confort offered in those moments of vulnerability, the swollen-eyed and red-nosed openness : :

2004-07-22T11:15:00.000+08:00

i do THINK *paulin!

it's farnie how you feel lost when you think you've gotten what you want and realise you've lost what you need to get what you want. yes. talk about what you need but not what you want.

why do i feel lonely even if i'm with them, even if we go crazieeeee together and laugh like there's nobody's business? because they dont sit down and listen to me. sometimes people dont like to tell me things. they think i dont understand. i dont bother to care then. i get nervous and scared and feel like crying when people tell me too much about themselves. popo said i've been liddat since the last time ~~daddy~~ came and wanted to snatch me awae. and i started to hallucinate. ha. back to the topic. i feel more at ease when i'm with kaikai they all. even though we dont talk. i'm more of myself. they knoe what i think, just by a look at my face. we talk rrrrrrrrubbish but not just rrrrrrrrrubbish. different masks with different people? no. not masks. but different people bring out a different me. no. it's not because of them. it's because i still cant open up. still prefer bottling up everything. they care. yes they do. thanks hotnerds! maybe we should have a hotnerds cheer or something. lol.

i realised my ex had been those who listen to my complaints and thoughts, that's why we got together. it's not love that i go into; what i need is someone who understands me. and everything got messed up.

he said he hope i can move on when i'm moving on. he said i'm trying to make him remember while he's the one who is reminding me now. i just want him to give a gootx ending but not leaving it hanging in the air. he has no guts to tell me. and i hate it. i cried. because he made me remember all the things he did and said. all the ~~facts~~. if you're reading this, for god's sake, dont make promises or your bullshit facts. smsed him. and he said 'what the hell happened' HA-HA! very farnie! nothing. it's just the hell you made out.
-later- poo poo!!! not angrie anymore. shall not talk when i'm angrie next time! lol! pea said i should find a wae to vent my anger. dont communicate with anyone. lol. or else i sure regret and hurt people. tsktsk! anywae. he's damn blur now. lol. no. he is not blur. he is just nonchalant. as if it's not his problem anymore. well. it isn't and i'm not. step back. and i realised it wasn't love at all. we're still young and relationships have become a game. we're still trying to fit into the situation, running the race hoping it will not end. but because you're hurt, you'll love more carefully next time. so the love is impure, people no longer dare to love, no longer dare to commit. where is the love?

cried in class and stewpid xinyilee thought hotnerds quarreled! lol! thanks pea jozzie yushan xinyilee yinghong jiamin and liling! kKkKiiiSsSsHhH! got mentos from yinghong which still stuck at my gum fruit-tella from jiamin and sesame street bumper sticker from liling! it is damn cute! sooooo gootx to cry. hahahass!

pea is trying to memorise clit book 1! for me! hahahahass!! both of us forgot to stardie! pathetic people! -later- oh! beeg tummy never come! she's sick!! hahahahass!!! must be me lah!!! threw awae all the papers! =P luckily we dint stardie! hahahass! copied from book =P and we're here in library sharing computer! was finding quotes and we found this. lol. 'All the days that you gave, all the moments you've saved me. Praying for my life Sacrificed, just to make me who I am on my own You don't have to let go...' pea said it's irrelevant but maybe it's a hint leh! hahahass! HINT TO ME LAH! pea is asking lame questions! HINT FOR ASKING ME TO WAIT LAH! hahahass! =P

australian chem quiz was crap. the questions are soooooo damn bloody long! i onlie read the last sentence that ends with question mark and guess for answers. lol! too tired to think lah!! head soooo heavy todae! too brainy i think! hahahass =D

sorrie jason for pmsing at you last night! =D remember to check out my birthdae bear! =P

: : Why do we close our eyes when we sleep, when we cry, when we imagine, when we kiss? This is because the most beautiful things are unseen : :

no wonder nobody sees me! not because i'm insignificant kae! =P

2004-07-21T19:06:00.000+08:00

jozzie!

hey..finally can type arh..this blog got prob..sometimes can type sometimes cannot...or issit my comp prob? hahhas..dunno ba..lol..

Time passes. Life happens. Distance separates. Children grow up. Love waxes and wanes. Hearts break. Careers end. Jobs come and go. Parents die. Colleagues forget favours. Men don't call when they say they will. But girlfrens are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you both.

ur girl frens will be there no matter wad. Turn to them when u need to do so. They'll give u the support no one has ever given u. Trust them.

2004-07-21T16:02:00.000+08:00

reflecting *paulin!

whoever the chicken is, whatever it said, it is not from nowhere. even if we knoe we are not like that, we have left people such a bad impression! NOT GOOTX! hotnerds! start reflecting! heehee! sorrie py!
had violin exam! someone before me wasn't here yet so i was called in earlier but i hadn't set up my stand yet! i was still happily talking awae! then i got sooooo nervous i couldn't unscrew the stand thingie! somebody's irritating daddy kept saying 'faster faster! they will deduct marks one!' stewpid loh!! wanted to punch him man! still nervous when i walked in. lol. trembling trembling. badly. real badly. so ended up playing very softly. dont think i brought out the dynamics or whatsoever. bleahx! but aural was okie. surprisingly i can memorise those phrases. though very short, but usuallie i cant memorise. lol! forgot to bring out my stand 'you forgot your stand girl!' gave him a silly grin. lol. he has alotsa moustache and very VERY fat! but look very kind! i hope lah! lol! oh! sae until i sooooo pro. must remind people that i'm grade two! hahahahass!! shall take grade 5 next year! too old alreadie =P
had a nap when pea and jozzie are having lesson! poo poo neh neh! dreamt that they are at my house talking talking talking! then THEN! my house got ghost!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! shhhhh! dont tell mwummie!!! she will go crazieeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
it's very kind of yangkai to volunteer to help us by LYING that we're chio at our tagboard. lol! gootxness! pea and jozzie! dont you think we should appreciate our gratitude to him? lol!

: : it's the best until it's over when you're hurt like you've never been hurt before. Eventually you love again, but you love differently. You will love more carefully, more cautiously : :

2004-07-20T16:46:00.000+08:00

questions -pms- *paulin!

'i'll get you.. one dae' and two daes after he's telling me he has a crush. no i am not jealous or upset. but it makes me think. it's sooooo easily to sae you love somebody. have you ever valued the word 'love'? it is sooooo heavy and can crush someone sooooo easily, just like how easily you have said it. how do you knoe you reallie love someone? how do you knoe the love is sincere and pure? why sae it if you dont mean it? how do you trust a guy? how do you weigh who loves who more? i believe that love is in the air but why do i feel insecured when i have it? why do i have lonely even if i'm with my friends? why do i feel more at ease when i am alone? why do i have to do what i dont like to do? why should i care what others think of me? why do people make sooooo many comments about others but never look at themselves? why do people come and go? have i missed anything? can you tell me why am i here in the world? why do i feel the wae i feel?

: : nobody is whiter than white : :

2004-07-20T15:27:00.000+08:00

rotting. *pea

i'm so bored. stupid jilyn eating pizza in the canteen. and we're all waiting for her. going to mr chua for tuition. sigh. i wanna just go home and sleep. joan lost her eraser. hahax. she's whining about it. anyway, she was telling us not to sacrifice her to go sit at a different table. cos' min shin, jilyn, siqi and i always sit together at one table. only can sit 4 mah. not our fault. and joan is sociable, so it's okay. heex.
anyway, today big tummy very mean to paulin. think she was in a bad mood la. probably quarrelled with her hubby or something. so heck her, paulin! but you very fast get over it one. :)
xiaoyi lent me her pervert book. venus. it's really boring. but xiaoyi told me to read the horny parts. haha. pervert. and i wrote 2 postcards. one to jozzy and one to xiaoyi. xiaoyi jealous that i wrote to jozzy too. she assumed she's my one and only. haha. crap. anwyay, got to go. we go canteen find jilyn. :) ciaoz.

2004-07-20T10:45:00.000+08:00

*paulin

PISSED! WHO THE HELL IS THAT CHICKEN! COWARD! DONT DARE TO SAE IN OUR FACES HUH! DONT EVEN DARE TO LEAVE YOUR NAME! WE LIKE TO DEFINE CHIO AS SMALL EYES BEEG NOSE BEEG MOUTH CANNOT IS IT! KICK YOUR LITTLE CHICKEN BUTT! DONT SPREAD RUMOUR THAT I WRITE I'M CHIO IN FRIENSTER FOR GOD'S SAKE! THAT'S SICK! THE BEEG TUMMY ALSO! 'I WANNA ASK YOU TO GO OUT ALREADIE' WHY DONT YOU JUST SAE 'GO OUT!' CHICKEN. I COULD JUST WALK OUT IF NOT BECAUSE OF MY SCHOLARSHIP AND MY MWUMMIE. AND DONT YOU DARE TO CALL MY MWUMMIE. IT'S NOT HER PROBLEM OKIE. WHAT'S UP WITH THE PEOPLE. AND I'M SO TIED UP BY THIS SCHOLARSHIP SHITTIE.

2004-07-19T17:20:00.000+08:00

NO TiTLe WOrx..*joS

aiyoyo..forgot to complete..hahas..

I told pea i got hope liao! it was over the weekends rite..but at least..there's stil this little wavering hope lah.. was giving up hope liao den suddenly the hope came back..think he's still unsure of himself..i give him time to be sure ba..but even if he doesn't return cos of some reasons..nvm..i'll get over it ba.. feel so lihai now..so matured..lol.. It's just part of growing up i think..dun brood over it. When its meant to be, it will be. If it doesn mean to be..den..leave it. Look on the bright side of life rite?

Xiaoyi also gave me some love letter..got a shock..her hand riting damn ugly..hhahas..can compete wif shan de..but anw..still.. glad she noes she can come to us when she wants to find some TRUE frens..

Anw..pea..thanks hor..thanks for ur compliments..u said if i crash their prom..i'll be so damn SOPHISTICATED!!!lol...hahhas..they either underachieve or over achieve...so i'll go there and ask... "can i have a talk with your prom QueeN?!?" hahhas..and then ask the judges if they have stamps on their eyes..or no need ah...jus walk in and they jus give me the prize..even though i dun come from that yucky sch..hahahs.. Be the AA also good la...at least is a chiobu AA..lol..But anw..thanks pea!

Omg..i'm day dreaming..sitting there and dae dream of how to crash some prom...at ritx carlton..mayb shld shop around tt area then give him a call? lol...he wun even wan come out and see me de la...lol..anw..do u think he has the potential of being prom king?! hahas..if he prom king..i'll KILL ADELINE if she becomes prom queen! ARGH! hahas..lol..Stupid sarene!!u dun have the chance to go to his prom!!!lol... BOO!

Saw a girl who looks like Sarene on the bus todae..why does everyone look either like sarene or adeline? m i bonkers? hahahs.. quite sweet looking leh..actually sarene..lol..but nvm..i appreciate chio ppl more! lik uS!!! lol..

Yushan bdae present...cheap skate..nvm la..since she also the same..lol..den nick will giv her better present ba? bring her our for dinner? lol..or mayb go hawker centre ba..since their money so little..lol..

I m gonna get married in PARIS!!! on the EIffLE tower!!! SEe ya there fellow HOtNerDS! lolx.. =D

-Jus Three Words- I WiLl LoVE hIm Till The EnD oF thE wOrLD!-

2004-07-19T16:46:00.000+08:00

WoeS *jOs

Heya!~so long nv blog liao...got miss me?lala~ i think both of u missed me loads right?

I feel stranded, strained and stretched. Damn it. Why? Why at this point of time? Why do you have to do it after such a long time? Why not at that moment but now? Why wait for such a long time before telling the truth? And then, u put us in such a dilema. I hate it. Yet I have to do it.

I am sorry but i have to do it or else i can't speak to you like normal. This thing will go whirling in my mind and yes, i have to tell you this. Hope you'll understand and forgive me.

¥The great thing about love is that there is someone for everyone. Don't Worry: Everyone finds love. Those who have to wait a little longer just appreciate it more when it comes¥

I don't want anyone hurt by love but love is hurting. Yet with all the heartache a relationship entails, it is still a wonderful and precious thing. Just treasure the good memories and leave those memories in a place deep in your heart. Open up your heart after it has healed and then let more people touch yours. You'll find the suitable guy who will be willing to do loads just because he loves you really more than anything. Someday, you will find a person who loves you much much more and accepts you as you are. Don't dwell on the past. Move on in your life and sooner or later, you'll find someone who loves you and treasures you more than he does.

¥Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others and the delight in the recognition¥

Let go. Because you have to move on. Move on. Because you need to see the world and gain more experiences.

2004-07-19T14:27:00.000+08:00

3+ grow! *paulin!

grrrrrrrrrrrr~ i'm sweating like mad! hahahass! must not leave my assignments in hostel next time. so tiring! yawn! and why dont they just open the damn library door of every level? stewpid!
bernard is sick! see lah! that's why i dont wanna stardie so hard =þ
mwummie gave me a lecture.

lessons learnt -
= he is still dependent on his parents. if he reallie loves you, he will concentrate on his stardies and make sure he has a bright future and is eligible enough to marrie you
= if you dont even love yourself and your family, it is not love that you feel for the guy
= if you think you need a boyfriend to love you, you're not loving yourself enough yet
= girls nowadaes spend hell lot on dolling up themselves but a gootx guy looks inside you. what he wants to see is a sensible girl who knoes how to love and cherish herself, take care of herself and blahblahblah
= why keep thinking of him when he doesnt even care about you
= you dont trust a guy at this age. you make gootx guy friends but dont go over the line, that's how and when you get to knoe him better and better until you guys knoe that you're meant for each other
alrighte. there are lots more. yawn. that woke me up. ha. i'm not thinking of him anymore. nobody. before i do that, i will learn how to love myself more first =)
pea is dumb dumb and dumb! hahahass!
siaoyee wrote me a love letter! =D
i had a nightmare. cant reallie remmeber what was it about. but i knoe the lift was broken down and something scariee hurt some people. then err ERR chaos! hahahass! something liddat. bleahx.
oh! went band fiesta yesterdae!!! maggot audrey jacqueline and blahblahblah were there too! saw a cute guy! not my type. hahahass. but there is a ri cute guy!!!! sec 1 i think! lol! he acted during the piece 'The Hustle' sooooooooooooo cute!!!!! infatuation! -paulin goes ow ow!- saw harry. not bad lah. not that p5 loking actuallie. wanted to chase a fter him to see his girlfriend but prefer to dancing! hahahass! saw daniel. oh man! now i knoe -censored!- not supposed to talk about him. lol. saw junwei too. soooooooooooo long never see him! hahahass. he has grown taller! finallie! was my height onlie! lol! yuhua got the grooviest band! we knew it! if there's grooviest audience award, we'll get it! hahahahass! bet we cheered the loudest the most enthu one loh! danced until my feet soooooooooo pain! hahahass! saw a guy who looks like harry from st. andrew band. then he said 'cos my twin brother is in st and band' then i got sooooooooooooo excited!!!!! 'danny.. he plays euph but our specialty is still elect guit' 'he's quieter. his girl friends are quiet. i'm the more rowdy one. my girl friends are wild' then.. THEN! when i asked xinyi and pea about it, i realised he bluff me >.<
kai² is sick too! thanks to *paulin! the greatest! spread vius to her! lol!
i hate relative velocity. HATE it.
I'm tired of feeling that i cant cry, I'm tired of having feelings that I don't understand, I'm tired of having to explain things to people or myself, I'm tired of not being able to explain, I'm tired of looking at things differently than other people look at them. I'm tired of feeling like I'm one wrong word away from losing everything I love most in this world
It's amazing the things you realize when you lose someone: you get mad at yourself for not saying the things you could've a million times, you take for granted the days spent doing nothing when you could have been with them. Anyone can be taken, at any time in our lives, but we always wait until they're gone to say the things we never had the courage to before
: : why are you trying so hard to fit in when you're born to stand out : :

2004-07-18T15:34:00.000+08:00

un-chio nyaa. *pea

paulin you're an idiot. how can you eat so much?! hmph. but joz and i went to eat cheesecake yesterday. heex. and we bought a cheapskate birthday present for yushan. but nevermind, nick will buy a nice nice present for her. :) and please stop dreaming for once okay? your imagination is so frightening. hahax.
hey jozzy, why your kor so cheem one ah? i don't understand what he was getting at by asking you how you know if you love someone. but i think he was hinting at something. and i'm glad you had the courage to tell him you like him. :) oh yah, i didn't say he will look nice in a suit okay? i said his look is suitable for the open neck kind of suit. hahaz. you dress up and crash into their graduation night okay? but i think quite difficult to blend in cos' all the girls there underachieved. hahaz. you look too sophisticated and mature to be there. :p we all chio-er than them mah. lolx.
anyway, i don't want to write out what jessica said about peiwen. too gross. hahaz. peiwen added me on friendster by the way. hahaz. and about dj voice, don't write out his name la. so paiseh hahaz. call him humpty dumpty kae? i like it better than dj voice :) not sure why or where he was staring. or maybe he just likes to stare at people. haha psycho.
oh yah yesterday we went for the literature symposium. and i realised how pathetic ny girls are. those scgs and chij people are so chio!! i think they know how to dress up and look nice. ny girls are like tchs, outdated, don't know how to be presentable. and those girls can speak really well. i'm so going to fail my Os english oral. sobz. i fully realised yesterday that ny girls are bad-looking. and we 3 are un-chio NYAAs hahaz. jozzy and i are nyAAs. with paulin, we're nySAAs. super AA. jozzy and i were on the bus minding our own business and talking about some intellectual topic. then this group of 4/5ers beside us started discussing about us. what the hell. they were so obvious. they talked about jozzy first "i saw her...", then one of them who was from my OBS watch, used her hand to gesture towards me. she was saying "there, there, that one." and we were right beside them staring at them!!! idiots. we weren't even talking loudly. so un-AA still get talked about. i think we too chio already. haha as if. i should have asked them what they were saying about us. we are neither too underachieved or overachieved right? why still want to talk about us?!?! hot nerds will always be NYAA i guess. damn.
corniest line i've ever came across: "Your lips are very dry. You want me to wet them for you?" (=_=')
i just spent a few hours doing maths. i hate relative velocity. tomorrow got clit test again! argh. big tummy is gonna kill me if i still don't study.
i must study. now. get offline. no i don't want. GET OFFLINE. okay fine!

2004-07-18T08:17:00.000+08:00

fanatic *paulin!

i almost died. it was 11+++ pm when i did something and our bloggie went messed up! sooooo stewpid.
had a dumb dream. a guy who looks like some korean actor woo me! wait for me outside nygh and jog with me. but i dont like him =þ
i smell of shokubutsu now. nice! he likes it. hahahass.
that was my third relationship. but i feel like it is the first time i love. the first two weren't serious. well. I was not serious about them. though i still cry and do all the stewpid stuff when i got dumped. ha. i think i become abit cynical. i sorta dont like girls who talk about their bfs and whoever everydae everytime and get carried awae by their relationships. i think it's dumb. why. it's gonna end somehow. i dont trust them now. they cheat. and the ironic part is i trust him and believe that he'll reallie return
he used to wait for me online on saturdae tilll late night or he'll be alreadie sleeping. but he never talk to me. waiting for other girls? hey. vern yie said he's gootx looking kae! =D
: : we dont even talk no more and you dont even call no more : :

2004-07-17T21:40:00.000+08:00

wad e...*joS

my msn cannot sign in!!argh..and he's online!!i wanna tok to him!!lol,..

Was telling pea abt how nice he will look in a suit!!and she agrees wif me..lol..paulin dun jealous worx..hahas.. he will look damn shuai..and i will crash his prom nite in RItx carlton lor..anw..hahahs!!!!

Lol..so funnie..in tuition just now..pea said jingda was lookin at jes or Valerie!!!And jes said pei wen the..something..argh..digusted..dun wan to sae liaox..let pea sae it ba..!!!heex..

Dun feel lyk typing too much..cos my msn!!its blinking!!! he's talking!!oh my..i 'm suffering from a heart attack liaox..lol..hahhas..miniature de la..smiles! but my xin qing suddenly better liao! ~

told pea so mani things todae..only left the esplanade part haven sae finish..hahhas..not planning to sae it..lol..secret..shhhshhh!!!hhahs..smiles! I think will keep it for some time before i sae it..anw..its not impt lah..not as impt as wad i told pea todae!

Be friendly and leave a good impression on ur bf's frens because they are the ones who "decide" the fate of your relationship with your bf!

2004-07-17T21:22:00.000+08:00

!@$%@$&#%&@$% *paulin!

i feel fat. had two lunch. 4 dunkin doughnuts. black pepper seafood spaghetti. chicken baked rice. chocolate ice cream. mac's fries. jealous? oh you are! pea is droooling! =þ mwummie was like 'maybe you should stop eating for a moment' =X
cut my hair! stewpid hairstylist changed it to side parting. looks weird on me. but she said makes my face looks smaller. that sounds gootx. oh my chubby face~
so dint manage to stardie!
cleaned my room! kai² said i can be a gootx mwummie! hear that, roarke?
cant go home after violin exam. i will miss mwummie.
dreamt that our stewpid nygh is built on sea and the staircase is not fully covered. my legs went limp and couldn't walk. lol. so scared! there was thunder at night right! jumped up from my sleep! >.<>

: : you're everything everything that i want. we're leant to be supposed to be but we lost it : :

2004-07-16T18:57:00.000+08:00

lalala~ *pea

haha, stupid me. I just realised that I have to click on "republish" to make the changes to the template. Saving the changes isn't enough. Oops. No wonder I couldn't see my pink profile.
paulin ah, how was your shopping trip w fang²? buy more veggies and fruits, good for the body ya noe? me feeling lethargic right now. that stupid maths timed-trial. someone should set a school rule. it is completely inhumane and against the law to do a maths test at 3 in the afternoon when the sun is murderous. and someone should tell clh to stop treating our class like a bunch of retards. we are 16, not 6. what's with her "ah", "o", "ei" lessons? lunatic.
i'm trying to do mrs ang's homework, but failing miserably. tomorrow got literature symposium. b-O-R-i-N-g. I shall bring my physics homework there. and yushan better turn up, or i'll either go wake her at her hostel or call nick to get her to school. wonder how's her date with nick. heex.
heex, actually i wrote a paragraph of comforting words for jozzy. but i read her entry and she seems okay. so i take back my words. hey i didn't know that GEP thing is for sec 3s. so wet blanket. those peeps look quite tall and mature so i thought they were sec 4s. oh well not like you care. hahaz. good luck with your waiting kae? you're right, friends will still be around long after boyfriends and girlfriends. only your husband will stay longer. hahaz. oh yah, my list of homeowrk is so much longer than yours :X
anyway, quotes collector is not lazy okay? just abit dormant. i shall show you my power hahaz.
.:Put the name of your love in a circle instead of a heart. Cos' hearts can be broken but circles go on forever:.
Love you 2 hot nerds! Friends rock as much as boyfriends! heex. Muackz!
.Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.

2004-07-16T18:14:00.000+08:00

Hahahs! *joZ

heya!Sorrie worx..last few entries damn sad then u all scold me =X

todae's entry wun be sad anymore liaox! cos me and paulin huxiangmianli! Paulin stil rem this? hahhas..

*Friends will be around long after boyfriends or girlfriends*

This collector of quotes so inactive dunno is sleeping or realli that hardworking..lol.
Anyway, todae got a little lecture from yushan lorx..lol..she said if someone wanted nick and nick kinda likes her, she will willingly give up nick cos she thinks she's not good enough for him. Yep, that's correct thinking but it seems to be..too selfless to me..lol.. Yea..my lao gong aileen also said that i'm selfish but when it comes to loving a guy, u can't give up so easily until u r really sure that u two are not compatible and u have to be sure he will be better off without u.

Love has no price. It is only love if it is free.
Alright alright..later tml pea will come scolding me if i carry on talking abt love and love and love! hahahs..but todae i got a huge shou huo during chi reading period. The short story in my book ended with (translated to english): Even if ur first love cannot be with you for a life time, at least he has been part of your life. And that's enough. =D
Oh yar..for u all to laugh la..i take bus home den stain something..my S****..damn unlucky..stain twice liaox lor in my four years! hahhas..but heng la..not as chum as mindy! lol..
Todae in school, after our maths time trial, saw some peeps from other schools in my school..Pea said they were here for some GEP meeting..hahahs..have Chinese High, RGS..ACSI and RI and some dunno wad school..DEn pea asked me to look for Daniel Li..lol..Dear..daniel li is in sec four lehx..and the meeting i think is for sec threes..anw..i'm not that despo! hahahx...cos i m still hoping for a miracle. The person i want is not Daniel Li but...another one larx..hhahas! lol..smiles! keep me waiting!
Todae maths time trial damn hard!!ARgh..worse than mid yr..if i get this for prelims i can die liaox..i dun need go JC..hahhas..oh..now i go eat dinner..later i ccome back wif more!
...................................... 25 mins passed............................dinner over...
oh yar..i rembered. during cl lesson todae, paulin and me were jealous of each other and we started cancelling each other's name cos her name has 6 alphabets which is the same as ****** and my name has 7 alphabets, same as JunChen...lol..den i got damn angry wif S***** and started...doing something cruel to the paper..lol..ask pea! hahas..found this quote:
If our love is only a will to possess, it is not love.
Wait! i agree that if our love is only a will to possess..it is not love..but if it is not only a will to possess..is it love? hahhax..alright..wad else? Irritating..still have maths to do and my mind is in a blank! i dunno how to do!
Let me remind my fellow HotnErds abt our hw this weekend..lol:
Biology Worksheets
A maths Ex 19F and TYS
Study for Physics and Biology tests
Alright...enuff..hahahs..now i go friendster! lol...muacks!

2004-07-16T17:43:00.000+08:00

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! *paulin!

the more i look at this template the more i hate it! so uglie!!! no standard! lol! after Os! tsktsk! must not waste time. i have been slacking like hell manx! spank myself!
jozzie brought blank A4 paper for me! so that we can have written msn during chinese lesson so that we wun get scolded. again. lol! but still! she picked on me and jozzie! lol! what the! still cant believe i get this teacher. sigh! jozzie and his name have seven characters! i got so jealous! then realised my name and her daniel's name have six characters! her turn to get jealous! lol! abit lame lah. but dont knoe why. j-e-a-l-o-u-s =X
emaths paper was ahem. my liquid paper leak on wenwen's table! shhhhhhhhhhhhh! =þ
jason bought prezzi for me! =D
went to coro with fang². dint see him. lol. had french fries. looked here and there in the games city. no him. checked ntuc too. no him. lol! i'm getting desperate!
i think he will go hcjc. maybe i shall go there. i wanna join hiphop *_*
sore throat.
realised my _{grade 2} violin exam is next wednesdae! gootxness! lol! should not take up violin when iam alreadie so old. lol! in the name of everything holy, save me bless me!
i need to stardie. i need to stardie. i need to stardie. i need to stardie. i need to stardie. i need to stardie. i need to stardie. i need to stardie. i need to stardie. i need to stardie. i need to stardie. i need to stardie. i need to stardie. i need to stardie. i need to stardie. i need to stardie. i need to stardie. i need to stardie. i need to stardie. i need to stardie. i need to stardie. i need to stardie. i need to stardie.
: : may i speak to mrs lim please? : :

2004-07-15T18:23:00.000+08:00

I NeeD aNothER ChaNce*JoS^

↔It hAD beeN TerRibLy Easy To FalL in lOVe WitH yOu↔

咻咻咻咻咻咻咻咻咻咻咻咻咻咻咻咻咻咻咻咻咻咻咻咻咻咻咻咻咻咻

If u will ever give me a second chance, i will do my best to make everything up to you.

But..i feel that i m losing hope.Am i? Yesterdae i mentioned that i hope that u will return. And i still hope so today. I really hope so. And will my wishes come true? Give me a second chance, can you?

When i was the bus home few hours ago with yiwen on my right, i suddenly felt like crying. There was a couple in front of me and the guy was looking at the girl with eyes that looked like his. And the way he looked at the girl is the same as how ****** looked at me. The girl was eye shy and tried to avoid his gaze. Then, i remembered, I had been eye shy when he looked at me. I really regret being eye shy at that time because given my situation now, i would rather have met his gaze and then remember it forever. I still have the image of his eyes in my mind now cos' i looked at him right in the eye on 5th july=D

I felt like crying on the bus not because of this couple in front of me. It's because i remembered my decision to wait for him till the end of the year. <--This also means that i will have to go through my english ORals, my pRelim practical, My prelims, and finally MY O'lEVels myself. I'll also have to "enjoy" my Graduation nite without him and then go for chalets, go to malaysia and hongkong without him. I din't go through alot with him but..there are still memories. Its jus sad to think abt not havin someone to share my pains and joys. And this someone is the one who may not be coming back to me. IF it is guarateed that he will return, i will wait patiently. but now, i m on the verge of losing him if i have not lost him.

Frankly speaking, i dun wan to lose him. I want to ask him for another chance. But i'm afraid he has given the chance to a girl named Sarene though he mentioned that he doesn't like girls lik her. But, i still fear.

Anyway, i will still wait. I want another chance. This time its not jus a want, its a need. So..can u give me another chance? i dun want to lose u. Not to Sarene or anyone like A******

2004-07-15T16:44:00.000+08:00

grinning *paulin!

peaguan is not supposed to blog todae! 'cause she said she wanna stardie clit! if anyone sees her blogging, punch her! hahahass!
kai² is reading our bloggie! our loyal reader! hahahass! and she is complaining it's hard to read and suggest to change black font into neon green! oh my gootxness! her taste! lol!
historie test was rrrrrrubbish! almost feel asleep! lol! cant do. as usual. so jealous of joyce. she got track so no needa take. not fair! after that there was a craze for fabric paint. lol. xinyi the pervert drew my name on my file. orange! heehee! nice one =D
i ate a hell lot of chocolate todae!! one twix and one snicker from yirong *it's her birthdae todae! happie birthdae to you~ happie birthdae to you~ happie birthdae to you~ -go one octave higher- HAPPIE BIRTHDAE TO YOU!* yes applause please. hiek! and share M&M, hershey cookies and cream, cheese biscuits with jozzie during maths lesson! yummieeeeee! we dint let pea eat =þ maths lesson was sooooo fun! hiek! jozzie distorted her elmo 'cause she kept stretching it! even put her hand in it! lol! heart pain ah jozzie! i think we talked very loud 'cause Mrs Chang stared at us! oops!
have to hand in clit file! but i threw awae all the test papers! gootxness! beeg tummy was sooooo shocked! lol! sigh. i'm dead! how to explain to beeg tummy number 2! tsktsk!
i'm going to siaoyee's house next sundae to swim! i promised. lol!
i'm sad =( i think i could have done more. too self-centered. dint realise i should give in. as usual. there are so much flaws in me. i reallie hate myself sometimes. irritated. pissed off. if onlie i can be better.
kai² said in previous life, all daughters are their fathers' mistress and all sons are their fathers' rivals. that's why fathers are closer to daughters! make sense huh! but then that makes every girls in the world mistress! lol!
i'm very hyper todae =D but i'm tired now *yawn*

: : if he gives her a chance, she would do her best to make it up for him. But she is losing hope : :

2004-07-14T18:42:00.000+08:00

Oh MY! *joS

HEy..paulin! its nice..the blog's nice! damn nice..hahas..i lyk the devilish lookin thing and it looks damn ON! yea..we're the hot nerds. Anw..how u become so PRO?

I jus decided to wait for him till end of the yr since he said put everything to after o levels. But..yeah? i dun realli trust wad he says cos he gave me those empty promises Sad case..dun realli trust but i want to trust him.

I want to trust him because i m still hoping for a turn back

It's hope but its only me hoping. But..to console myself, i told myself this:

When i wait till after o's or end of this year..as ppl say time heals..even if he doesn't turn back..it also means that my wounds are healed. I cannot guarantee that my wounds will completely heal or..in other words..i have fang4xia4 the thing..but i am sure that the pain will have subsided by then. hahhas.silly. Even if he doesn't respond when O'levels end (which i think theres a 99% chance that he won't)..i may not mind so much. Therefore, if i wait till after o levels..and he doesn return..den mayb i wundn't feel so devastated..since i've given myself and him a chance..IF he ignores the chance..he has just lost someone who loves him. I will only be losing someone who doesn't love me. But.. i think i will still love him, no matter wad..its the feeling inside..=X Sorry..

ASk me if i mind if he has a gf now. YEA..! i do mind. I will scream and get real angry and jealous! Which means i haven't really gotten over it, right? i'm still at the ke4 fu2 stage..wish me luck! hahas..

Come BAck!! lol.SillY Me.StuPid Me.Yet Who'S thE DreAMie oNe?.DreAMie PiG.StoP cAlLiN mE thE hIpPo.IdIoT.WasTEd mY iCe CrEam On u.WasTEd mY tIme. YucKS.

2004-07-14T18:30:00.000+08:00

love is a many splendid thing! *pea*

Paulin!! Nice template! Hahahaz...how did you do it hur? That creature at the bottom left corner is CUTE! looks like you...heex. Anyway, Jozzy ah, don't portray me as a vinegar bottle can? Haha I won't get jealous of your marriage! I go find a guy for myself. Hmph. You two can go and have 3 pretty kids for all you want *sticks out tongue* But I wanna be the godmother okay? Hahaz.
Oh I love kai²!!! She's soooo sensible! *if his love is not enough to contain your temper, why still harp on it* Wow, I'm blown away by her intelligence and sensibility. Hahaz, she's so practical. What she said is true, even though it might be cruel. So paulin, don't need to change your temper. Not worth it, okay? I see you smile to yourself in class when you're in deep thoughts. Thinking about him again. You know, I'm really touched but appalled by your feelings for him. It's really hard to let go hur? To you, he's Roarke. But Roarke loves everything about Eve. And one day you'll find your true Roarke. okay? Your dreams are so sweet hahaz. Mine are always dirty. Heex.
Actually, I'm glad that both of you are outta love at the same time. Haha, i'm not gloating. I'm just more comforted that at least you two can empathize with each other. When you have a friend who understands how you feel, you tend to find it easier to face the problem. At least you guys are confiding in each other. so you guys jia you kae? I won't be able to offer advice, cos' i don't know how you 2 sad people feel. But I give you guys moral support kae? Haha, I feel extra. (=_=') Hey, you guys forget them by sunday, then we can go see ACSI and RI guys at the band fiesta! and we can go devour cheesecake! I had cravings for oreo cheesecake in class just now. So miserable. Heex.
I, the amateur in love matters, want to give my opinions on love. Hahaz, I'm in a romantic mood.

Love is a rush of wild wind, The scent of a summer rose, A whistle blowing down the distant track, And when it goes, it goes...
This is an extract from a chinese song. Saw it in the newspapers this morning. Really pessimistic, but I like the images that it evokes. A gust of whirlwind, a whiff of rose scent and the fading whistle as the train disappears from view. Everything comes and goes in a flash, but somehow it is lingering still. A lot of relationships come and go, but they stay hidden in our hearts for a long long time. But we will find the one that lasts till eternity, right? Hahaz...then we'll meet at the Eiffel tower in Paris. Heex.
Like jozzy said, better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. At least you guys loved and lost. I am the latter ya know? Never loved before. *sniffs* but yushan said that I'm the only one who still has a chance to have a first love that will end up being my husband. But i don't believe in that. First loves aren't supposed to end up as a life partner. Hahaz.
Oh no, crapped too much about love, and I never even experienced it before! Hahaz. Hey you 2 ah...at least remember that I love you guys! Hahaz...so don't sad too long okay?

.:To forget is to face it, to accept it, to overcome it, and to let go of it:.

You 2 are in between accepting and overcoming right? Jia you! Muackz! :p

2004-07-14T17:29:00.000+08:00

silly bunch *paulin!

i find this quite cute!! but more need to be done to improve it! hahahass! calling for help! >.<
i could just go with jason and forget him. it's easier that way. lol. but jc doesnt like loose girl. so i shall not anyhow. anywae. i wun do that. hahahass. maybe i have overcome it. i thought i hate him for making all the facts. but everytime i think of him i will smile. sometimes in tears. hey. i reallie do think he's my roarke kae! lol. i dreamt that we got married and moved to our new house. it's a reallie nice house. something like country house in european countries. reallie cool. lol. it was his first dae to work and we woke up late! we got so kanchiong when we dont even knoe how to tie the tie! lol! oh! we have a dog! furry furry one =D anywae. i have improved kae! i cant let jozzie win me. hahahass! at least i dont wake up and try to recall if i have dreamt of him. well. not alwaes. ~~sometimes~~ most of the time i do =X
zihong said he will help me with the template!! be patient ah! hahahass! it will be the greatest chioest bloggie! =D

*paulin! - yandao collector
jozzie - chiobu collector
pea - quotes collector

2004-07-14T14:21:00.000+08:00

ShoRt EntRy--*JoS

Now in a rush so muz be very short.. hahas..todae jus got married to my darling paulin worx..muz be very xing fu now..she ah? dunno if she xing fu a notx la..but..haix..two very sad peep get married dunno will get chio and shuai kids a not lehx..hhahahs! but nvm..WE WILL TRY!! hhahash we will very nu li de lorx..hahhas..smiles! Anw..we all trying hard to get over our blues liaox..ask us jia you k? hahahs..tell paulin i love her~ and pea..dun get so jealous ba..hahas.. *muacks*

2004-07-14T14:11:00.000+08:00

get silly *paulin!
: : if you call those facts, what i am learning in school are just bullshits : :
i'm legally married to jozzie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -paulin goes wild- hiek! *sad + sad = sad²* i shall scan my certificate of marriage in here! dont snatch my jozzie hor!! we'r going to have 3 kids =D 3 prettie kids =D
oh! we're died of *threesome - bed collapsed!* how cool huh! peaguan is the mistress! tsktsk! punch her! hahahahass =þ NOTE: this week is our horny week!
kai² said *if his love is not enough to contain your temper, why still harp on it* hahahahass. alwaes the smart kai² =)

2004-07-13T19:35:00.000+08:00

EmpTy PromiSEs =( *joZ

ATE so much choco jus now..promised myself to get chocs for myself..but i bought 3 packets at one go! hahs..told pea i wanted to eat..eat alot..hehes..n i dun care if i put on anymore weight..cos..can jian fei de ma..lol..

▄I dun lik ppl who break their promise▄Empty promises▄Dun want it ▄

-Hate ur empty promises- if u cant fufill them..dun try to promise me ANYTHING

G.E.T.L.O.S.T

2004-07-13T14:28:00.000+08:00

FUn! *JoZ*

I luurrrvee..u..DEAR~~~hahas..and who's my dear? my darrrlinng..paulin! jus now was hugging her and holding her hands during cl lesson..yea! Let's head for the ROM k? *muacks*

2004-07-13T14:26:00.000+08:00

QuOteS... *pea!

Heex. I'm the collector of quotes, and I'm gonna contribute some! Muahahaha.

"Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have."

Joz and I can't decide on this. She says it's not true, but I find it quite sensible. Though it lacks ambition. hahaz.

Oh, for anyone who's outta love. Which actually refers to my 2 best friends too. Hahaz.

"Blast the music to cover up the cries, Walk in the rain to hide those tears." contributed by xiaoyi my darling n christl

Maybe you guys will be able to get over it real soon. okay? I'm not as worried for Jozzy, because she's more open and carefree. Paulin ah, we all love you!!! Use Jozzy as replacement kae? She will be most willing to. hahaz. Anyway, you caught the flu bug. Firstly, don't spread the germs to me. And secondly, GET WELL SOON! hahaz. I'm the nicest person ever.

Hey we should go for Chinese lesson liaox. Let's see whether Cai MaMa is gonna call us lao ye. Heex. So fun.

2004-07-13T14:16:00.000+08:00

flu bugs *paulin!

: : when anger recedes, regrets take over : :
we have a new account! imhotnerd@ijustdontcare.com!!!!! cool huh! hiek! poor me is sick! and i have a sexy voice! *oh~ come on babie~!* it's a terrible dae manx! the beeg tummy scolded me again! *you sure have boyfrined one! no? then how come cant concentrate? you regress alot!* blahblahblah! i hope i have! =P
jozzie! we gotta jiayou! hahahass! but i'm not gonna give up yet. lol. maybe wait for a little while more. lol.
: : girl doesnt give her heart easily, once she gives, she gives it all : : what a fool! hahhaass! =X
oh yays! i love jozzie i love pea i love piggie i love myself!
jason loves me! lalalaaaaaaaaaa~

2004-07-13T14:15:00.001+08:00

I'M FeeLin' Real Gd BabE~*jozZy

hahas..i'm back aft riting such a long and sulky prose???!!!hahhas..anw..its over liaox =P
Todae quite fun la..except hor..that idiot idiot idiot cai woman...scold us.when i wasn't even toking!!i was looking at the text bk lor..though i dreaming but..yeah..i din tok..den she stil wan call us lao ye so tt we can listen..i realli hope can strangle her manx!! idiot..her lesson damn boring..who careS? and tt t wong..i dunno she in love wif me or wad lor..i look up den she look at me..EVERYTIME is lidat de lorx..idiot.. I noe..i damn chio lax..heex..=P jus jk

Anw..lao ye isn't for us lorx..we are young..cheerful..hot nerdS!in case she doesn noe..we are du shu cong..hahhax!

Daniel Li's from SAILING!!!oh man!!!so cool..cannot..cannot fall for him yet..hahahs..wait wait..i loVE u DArlIng!!!~ *muacks!*

Oh yar..for all ur info..wE are the NYAA n i 'm damn proud of it..yeah? dun care la..sae we loud sae we show off..anth..as long as we feel lyk it..i jus dun care~ lik our email! accept it or get lost dear! hahahs..keke.. I wan Daniel LI!!!

2004-07-13T14:15:00.000+08:00

heex *pea*

we hot nerds r in e comp lab again. joz scoldin me for slpin at 7 yday while she n paulin were workin so hard at bloggin. blehx. hahaz. anw, paulin has got a new SEXY voice! n we're gonna get a new SEXY email! hahaz. n we got new nicks. i'm short short. paulin is flat flat *oh so sad* n joz is frizzy frizzy. but hers not evil enuff. so paulin n i shall tink o a new meaner one. i wanna watch brotherhood! but its nc-16. dun care la ask paulin or joz to buy e tix. hahaz. i have to wait till dec 19. hey u guys listen hor. dec 19. my bdae. rmb. btw, our hot nerd day is comin up. wanna go out? but needa mug. hahaz.

2004-07-12T18:03:00.000+08:00

My Fwenz *joZzIe*!

heys..my dear fwens..

Thanks for being there when i needed u..as the danish proverb goes..the road to a fwen's house is never long..and..this time..i didn't go to ur house..u came to mine..thanks! =D

And..elbert hubbard said that a fwen is one who knows you and loves you just the same. I noe u all know me real well and love me..LOVE you ALl TOo!!!

Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the facT!

JiAyou!
*muackS*

2004-07-12T17:46:00.000+08:00

No.Feelin' *jOzzIe*

Strong Woman!
hahhas..yep! i aspire to b a strong woman!oh wad crap? jus forwarded the msg he sent me/...(he finally replied) to pea..and yep..even if pea did not analyse it for me..i hav already analysed it myself..lol..i'm so smart..=P

yea..its realli over..and i'm not feeling especially down or sad..in fact..i'm feeling normal cos i expected this and yea..i give it all to fate to handle this.. Had been sad in the past..but..thought it through liaox.. I have to forget him. I have to do so cos i have more important things in my life to concentrate on. As wEihan said, relationships destroy ppl and i totally agree.. *i hadn't even been in a relationship oh man!*Dunno why i lyked him anw..cos..thinking backwards..i dun think i can name anth abt him that will impress others. But..hey..its the feeling i have when i'm with him. He jus gives me the feeling of being special. Wad does this mean?

I have to wait for another person who will be able to give me the special feeling right? He will come..As bernard said yesterdae..lol..*why quote him?*..he will come. This down, another will come up..

Pea said he is jus a guy who passes by in my life..a passer-by..not anyone important..but thanks to him..i can get more matured! =O oh no! i m getting ego.

To all those who care: I'll recover real soon though will still feel smth if u all tok abt him..jus wanna let u all noe..i'm fine..i'll come back real soon. Learnt smth..hafta treasure the person before he or she leaves, realli..or u'll live with regrets.

Do i like him that much? Or is he just a crush? Will i still love him if he realli comes back again? Will i successfully forget him? ...

Now..i realise that the least i can do is to forget him and get rid of my feelings for him..i'll try to treat him jus as a kor and return back to my cheeriness..What lies in the future? no one knoes..let me just remb the sweetness in these few weeks. Dunno if he loves me as much as i love him but..thanks for letting me love him.

To have loved him is my greatest joy.

Better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all.

No regrets. Paulin said .."xi huan jiu jiang" And yeah..hahhaX..i told him =)That's why..i leave or live..without any regret =D

2004-07-12T17:40:00.000+08:00

aiyooyoo! *paulin!

this is reallie terrible! hahahass! i've changed the profile! pea and jozzi! if you all dont like then change it yeah. hiek =D i shall try and do abit of template. lol! like i knoe how to. tsktsk. watch me! -winkx-

2004-07-12T11:37:00.000+08:00

pOo poO nEh neH! *paulin!

it's english lesson! we cant finish our tapioca crackers yet! jozzi is looking for daniel li. call out for DANIEL LI! i'm going coro after school with yushan~ lalalaaaaaaa~ hoping to see AHEM *top secret* hahahahass.

:: dont sae 'behave yourself' when you dont like the wae i behave myself ::

2004-07-12T11:33:00.000+08:00

hot nerds! *pea*

Okay I co-own 2 blogs! So pro. Hahaz. We 3 hot nerds are in the computer lab now. eating tapioca crackers. yummie. we rock. and our email is imhotnerd@hotmail.com. :p

2004-07-11T16:42:00.000+08:00

TeSting *joz*

Jus testing this out!!pea!!i created a blog though its ...erm..like shit now..waiT..i'll come back!!!hahhas..